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Review:academica says:
Hi there! I'm here with your requested review :)

I thought this was an interesting moment to focus on for Hannah/Neville, and I really like the way you portrayed them as a couple and, with their children and Neville's parents and grandmother, as a family. It was nice to really pull together all four generations, and when you brought in Ginny and Harry, I could really see how normal all of them have become since the war ended and they graduated from Hogwarts. I thought the flow of this piece went very smoothly, and it was nice to interject the memory of Frank Jr. being used as a therapy tool for his grandparents into the funeral.

I did have a couple of small critiques for you. I know this has been beta-ed already, but I did still see some small mistakes that, if fixed, would make this flow even more smoothly than it already does. For example, I spotted a couple places where things were capitalized that probably shouldn't be and where the wrong form of a word ("your") was used. You could probably get one of the Quick Betas to double-check this for you if you like. The other thing is toward the end of the piece - I was a little thrown off when Hannah asked Frank Jr. if the funeral was "cool". "Cool" just doesn't seem like the right word, even though it's something I can imagine someone saying to a child. I think something like asking if he is okay would fit better there, if this were my piece and I were writing it.

The emotion here definitely worked for me. I felt really sad when I was reading the part where Frank Jr. figured out that his grandfather was actually gone. I think you did a good job of going through the procedures of a normal funeral, and it actually reminded me a lot of my own father's funeral, so maybe that's part of why the emotion worked for me. Overall, this was very nice and written well.

Great job! I hope this review is helpful! :)

-Amanda
Recenseo 2012
(We totally have the same name! Cool!)

Author's Response: Oh yay, I'm glad you like how they are characterized and portrayed, I was rather worried about that :)

Yeah, for some reason my computer randomly capitalizes words for me? Maybe its because I start out a sentece like that and then decide to change it but then forget to uncapitalize? It never tells me when I have weird things capitalized lol. Oooh, the "cool" part was referring to the aparating. She asked him because he seemed upset even though he said he loved the apparating before. I see what you mean, though. I'll go back and look to see if there are any other ways I can fix it to clear it up :)

Ohh (I know this sounds horrible) but I'm glad you were sad (: I wanted to make sure the emotion stuck out and I'm just happy it worked! Thank goodness I got the funeral procedures right, the last one I went to was when I was about 8, so I really had to think back to how it all went down! Oh, and I'm sorry about your father :/

Thank you so much for leaving a lovely review, it made me smile & I'll be sure to go back and try to find those spots where the capitalization is off & to the "cool" part :)

-Amanda

(Woah that's awesome! I know so many Amandas so it really doesn't surprise me but I've never met one on HPFF) :D


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