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Review:Aphoride says:
Ooh, this is good! I'm a huge Marauders fan, so I do tend to be overly picky about it all, simply because I can see them all so clearly in my own head, you know? How I'd portray them and things, so please don't take everything I say too seriously... ;)

I really liked this. I think you chose an interesting point to start the story - before seventh year, I'm guessing - and when the war is just vamping up, things are getting darker and more dangerous and people are dying. It's so different to the usual Marauder prank-filled fics which you see all over the place, which caught my attention right away. The feel was really well developed here as well - I could really tell that something was wrong, with James worrying (although he seems like that kind of guy regardless) and his parents, and the mention of the Blacks being Voldemort supporters. It wasn't overdone at all.

I particularly liked the mention of the deaths of Lily's parents. Obviously, Harry has no grandparents at the time he's born/his parents die, so something must happen to both sets of parents. I'm really interested that you made it Lily's parents - probably doesn't help her relationship with Petunia any if they were targeted because of her, you know? - because usually people choose James' to die first. Also, again, it just makes it feel so real, like the war could touch any of them at any moment.

The characters were all so good! I'm the kind of person who stresses far too much (probably) over characterisation, but I thought you did really, really well with it. None of the characters seemed cliche in any way, or just the sort of typical view of them that you see in most fics. They were all very distinct as well - James and Sirius, often portrayed as very similar to each other, were clearly their own people. The relationships between them all were brilliant as well - I loved how you made it so obvious, without stating it, that Sirius and James were like brothers, and how Sirius and Lily and James and Lily were friends. It made it such an easy read.

Just a couple of quick things to finish - I spotted a few mistakes in this chapter, things like the wrong endings of verbs. It wasn't enough to put me off reading it, but it was distracting. I think it would help you to get a beta (I have three and they're absolutely amazing - they pick up absolutely everything and are so helpful!), just because another pair of eyes is often better at picking up things like that instead of you. Lastly, the formatting of your chapter was a bit off-putting as well. I think you've pressed the tab key at the start of your paragraphs - it would be easier to read if you took that out ;) That might just be me being a little OCD, though, so don't worry about it too much!

I really enjoyed this though - it's such an interesting story, such a refreshing read! Whatever you do, don't stop writing this!

Aph xx

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the amazing review! I am happy you liked (well, as much as you can) Lily's parents being the first to go. There is more to that, I hope you keep reading to find out what it is ;)

Hearing (or reading, i guess) that my characters are realistic feels SO good! I am really pouring hours of research into every character I use to know everything possible about them, your comment about them made it all worth while.

I have followed your suggestion and submitted a request for a beta! Interested? ;)!
I never realized how distracting the formatting is! I am so use to indenting while writing, I didn't even pick up on it! Thank you for letting me know!

I hope you will continue with the next few chapters and tell me your opinions on those as well, your review really has been so helpful!

Don't worry, I will under no circumstance leave this story! I have most of it mapped out and a good portion completed :)!

Thank you!!!
JChrissy


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