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Review:academica says:
Hi! I'm here from Slytherin Review Tag :)

I think you've got an interesting premise for this story, and so far I like it. I think you did a good job of portraying the emotion appropriately, since I can imagine that Hermione was feeling pulled in two, hurt and confused by the situation she found herself in. There's a lot about this that seems original, like how Hermione is the one getting hurt (not Ron) and Ron is the one who has the children, and so I can appreciate you trying to be unique.

I do think the story might benefit from some beta work, or at least another round of proofreading. There are some technical errors and places where the flow doesn't seem right because of the layout. The other thing that I think could improve it is a little more expansion. It seems like you tried to pack a lot into very few words, and you could add some imagery or elaborate on Hermione's or Ron's thoughts to add some extra 'meat' to this chapter.

Overall, I think this is a good beginning. You've done a good job of hooking the reader in and making them want to see what happens next with Ron, Hermione, and the two children. Great work!

-Amanda
Recenseo 2012

Author's Response: thanks for reviewing!:)
i know; i need a beta..i have been told that before but college work comes first..so no time for that (for now-but hey summer is on its way!)
i know this chapter could use some 'meat' as you called it. My chapters are either ridiculously long sometimes(making me diving it with the addition of a cliffhanger- did i mention i looove them?), or they barely make it to 1000 words.
thanks again for taking the time to read my story and i'm hoping you'll stick with it..!!
~marlita


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