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Review:magnolia_magic says:
Hi! magnolia_magic here with your requested review!

I think you've got a great first chapter here! It definitely sparks my interest, and I think any reader would be curious to see where this goes.

I love the way you portray little Bill and his feelings about Charlie getting all the attention. That resonates with so many people (I can definitely relate!), and I think that's a big part of what makes this chapter so appealing. Everyone has issues with their siblings at one point or another, and you've done an awesome job of capturing that typical childhood resentment. And Bill is just so adorable! I found myself having many an "aww" moment as I read this :)

Another thing I love is the way the narrative fits Bill's age. Your word choice makes it clear that the story is told from a child's perspective. For example: "He made a promise to himself that he would always brush his teeth from this point on." That strikes me as something that would come to a child's mind in that situation, and I love that. It really drew me in and made me see the events unfolding from a kid's perspective.

I thought the flow was good overall, but I did feel like the very beginning could be a little smoother. I really enjoyed the suspense you set up with the first sentence, but I would have liked to see a little more of a transition between that sentence and the beginning of the plot. The jump just seems a little abrupt to me there. But that's a really nit-picky thing, so I wouldn't be too concerned about it :)

I love your vivid description, especially of the ice cream incident and of Babbling Belinda. You do a great job of bringing those scenes to life through the details you give.

I really enjoyed this! I think you've got an awesome start to the story, and it seems like a really creative idea. I've never read the series this is based on, but this chapter makes me think I should check it out! Thanks for requesting, and feel free to re-request whenever you want :)


Author's Response: Thank you so much for this and SO SO sorry for how long it's taken me to respond to this!

I'm glad that it sparks your interest! To be honest, I'm rather proud of how my little Bill turned out! Though I'm a little surprised at how easy it was for me to get into the little guy's head considering I'm a girl and about 20 years older than him! :)

I can see what you mean on the transition of the first sentence but I mean it to be abrupt :P I can take a look at it though! Thank you!

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