Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:CambAngst says:
Hello, again! Back for just a little more of your story before bed.

First off, to respond to something that you said in your last review response for, I think, chapter 3, I think it would be well worth your time to go back and do some revising on this story. If you invest a bit of time in working out some of the characterization and continuity issues, you could have a truly amazing story here.

So on to this chapter. I think Ginny's decision to pursue a professional Quidditch career made good sense. She's managed to get the attention of Gwenog Jones, she's young, talented and has a good measure of notoriety from the war. Strike while the iron is hot. To me, Molly and Arthur's reactions were a bit subdued compared to what I would have expected. If there was ever an opportunity to write a full-on blow-up into your story, this was it.

From there, the way that she avoided discussing it with Harry also seemed to make sense and fit with her characterization. I do think you could have made more of that. You could have devoted a few paragraphs to describing Harry's frustrations building over a period of days as she concentrates on her training and essentially shuts him out. As it is, he comes off sounding a little petty, as though he's not very supportive of her dreams until she lays it out in black and white for him. If you gave us a better picture of the way she had been behaving, Harry's reaction would have made more sense.

Honestly, and this is just a personal thing, the marriage proposal was a little out of left field. If it was me, I think it's the kind of thing that I would have spent some more time setting up. You could certainly incorporate that into Harry's reaction to being shut out and blown off by Ginny while she trains. It would be perfectly in character for him to feel a lot of insecurity, as though she's going off to play professionally and leaving him behind. When that is finally resolved by their serious conversation, I could see Harry being so happy and relieved that he just blurts it out. Again, it's all about the set-up.

George's bet with Fred was a really touching idea. You should have played that up a lot more, I think, because it was brilliant.

So that's about it. Everything is moving along at a rapid clip and the story itself is actually very enjoyable. More, more, more!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 330
Submit Report: