Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:CambAngst says:
So the end of the last chapter was a cliffhanger? It wasn't clear to me whether she had emerged from the memory or not, but I'm glad that it went on in this chapter. It made everything so much more clear.

Well, at least we've resolved the mystery of whether Thorfinn is Katherine's father. At least I think we have. I never really know with this story. You're crafty like that!

I absolutely loved the courage it took for Katherine to finally face up to her father and ultimately to leave. It's been a long time coming, and it was such a huge moment for her. Also, to do it in such a way as to maximize the embarrassment to him was a nice touch.

Her relationship with Nome was really touching. In so many stories I read, elves are basically reduced to scenery that talks, cooks and cleans. Nome seems to have a genuine affection for Katherine and I thought it was lovely that the feeling was obviously mutual.

The whole scene after she apparatus back to the home she shared with her uncle was hard to follow. Perhaps that was on purpose. I'm sure her state of mind was very frenetic. By my count, this was the second near-rape that Katherine has suffered in the story. Such a terrible thing for such a lovely lead character. I want somebody to step up and protect her and, more to the point, for her to allow somebody else to protect her.

And then it seems that Pierre does exactly that. So he is related to the Delacours. Very interesting. I like how you're able to tie in bits and pieces of canon here and there. I'm not sure what purpose it might serve, but we shall see.

Your writing seemed to be a bit less polished in this chapter than in the past several. I caught four typos that you might want to take another look at:

-- "he voice broke as she watched him come closer" - her voice

-- "She watched he father standing grimacing" - her father

-- "But first shed meet with her father, the grip on her wand tighten as she stood in front of his door." - tightened

-- "The small muggle neighborhood was small and currently dark." - Did you mean to say "small" twice like this?

This story is getting really, really good. Sometimes you lose me just a bit in the flashback scenes, so my big suggestion would be to slow those down just a bit and work in a little more description. But in general, this is a very enjoyable story!

Author's Response: Hello! I always like your reviews because you're helpful! Sorry I hadn't responded sooner but with long reviews like yours it takes a while (plus I've had homework :P) because it takes more thought... (I really try hard not to sound like an idiot)

Thank you for calling me crafty it made me smile. Oh and yes the end of the last chapter was meant to be a cliffhanger.

She had to leave her father, but I never planned for it to be so soon but as I was writing it became the most logical decision for Katherine though that won't be the last of Thorfinn.

I love Nome and I wish I could include him more often, as Katherine adores the poor elf. I agree usually in fan fiction elf just cooks, clean, and follow orders when surely to some witches and wizards they must be like family!

I know the apparation scene was hard to follow and I've been trying to rewrite it, I just haven't had the patience, I also think I didn't really portray her state of mind correctly (so I'm happy to see you perceived it as frenetic since it was difficult to write.) I really hate having anything bad happen to Kat (she's my favorite Oc.)

Pierre's a sweet guy, another charcter I wish I could include more, he's related to the Delacours and that'll play a part later on :)

Thank you for pointing out the typos, I write really late at night, and I sometimes don't catch them.

I'm taking your suggestion about the descriptions, I need more practice on them since I tend to give them little love :)

I don't think I've said this before but thank you for your CC and your reviews in general :) It's always nice to see someone take the time to give such detailed reviews.

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 960
Submit Report: