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Review:academica says:
Hey there! I'm here with your requested review :)

I think this is a very good start to the story. It's great that you've made sure Peter is part of the main plot (instead of being stuck over to the side as mere comic relief) and chosen different friends for your OC besides the infamous Lily Evans. I think for the most part your characterization fits in well with what we would expect from canon, and I do see Aurora as likable and a good fit for the story.

I do have to admit that a lot of the themes I'm seeing here are reminiscent of many of the Marauder-focused stories on the archive. I see things like complaining about school, planning pranks, and watching James and Lily fight a lot. I think if you want to make this more interesting, what you'll need to do is study up on the 'cliches' and do what you can to make your story original. For example, instead of making it so that Aurora gets along with all four Marauders, maybe make her focus in on Sirius (as suggested by your summary) and have there be some subtle tension between her and the other boys if it is ever perceived that she is trying to 'take him away'. I also got the sense that she's kind of close to James, and since he's supposed to start maturing around this time and attracting Lily's attention, Aurora might serve as a good confidant for him and a source of encouragement as he starts to grow up.

Going along with that, the flow here was a little slow and halting for me. One reason I suspect is that you spent a chunk of the chapter describing Aurora's background. I think it's definitely important to allow the reader to get to know a new character, but I always prefer it when authors 'show' us those details rather than outright 'telling' them to us. For example, instead of talking directly about her parentage, you could have a small scene where Aurora writes to her mother and has to explain some magical concepts to her that her father might not be able to describe in detail. That way the reader understands that Aurora's mother is a Muggle without having to be told that fact. The other reason is that I noticed some awkward phrasing throughout the piece, like you were taking the long way around to say something that could be stated more simply. I don't think this needs a lot of work in the technical department, but if you'd like to get a beta to help smooth out those areas, I think it would help out the overall flow of the piece.

This review probably sounds a little critique-heavy, but I mean what I said -- I don't think this is a bad start. There were a few places where I thought you included some nice imagery, like when you described the first years traveling across the lake. I also found the dialogue believable and interesting. I think if you can figure out how to really 'make this your own', it will turn out to be a great story.

Nice work! I hope this review is helpful :)

-Amanda
Recenseo 2012

Author's Response: I seriously appreciate this so much. It wasn't too critique-heavy at all, I actually like getting this kind of feedback with suggestions and examples of how to improve because it's the most helpful for me! Thank you so much! I will probably be back to re-request for the following chapters :)

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