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Review:WeasleyTwins says:
Hi Marina, I'm here to review as requested!

After almost a year, I can definitely see the progression in your writing. Your prose has a distinctive stately quality that is not only very natural, it is almost calming and makes for an easy read.

The setup and non-linear nature of this piece is brilliant, Marina. I enjoyed the very contrasting natures of the two sections, per se, and the way that you ended up giving them a cohesive feel made the mood of the piece stand out nicely. I like the fact that it's very disjointed and irregular. Your experimentation with this piece highlights your wonderful prose and lovely style as an author.

I did notice a particular piece of dialogue that jilted me out of the story a bit. "You're a rock." - I see the subtle bit of foreshadowing you employ with your diction, but it sounded odd. Perhaps if you said, "You're my rock," it would have flowed much better. With the piece of dialogue you've got there, for a moment, I pictured Teddy looking like a bodybuilder or something. That sounds a bit ridiculous, I know. Anyway, I just personally think it sounded unnatural for that scene.

Oh, I'd also like to comment on something else. "He will not succumb to the monster inside." - This sentence ends a paragraph in one of the scenes. I was kind of wishing for more with it. You give us such a definitive, powerful statement, but just let it hang. I understand the positive effect that can have on the mood of the story, but I wanted more. With the rest of the piece, you really make sure everything is well-rounded, but I was hoping for more after that sentence. I personally think it needs another sentence or two to solidify the powerful imagery it represents.

I enjoyed the seeming multiple stories that you've got going on here. They're all related, but in an abstract sort of manner. It's all very intriguing, really, the things you've chosen to include. It's very postmodern, which I immensely enjoy.

Marina, I honestly think you've got a masterpiece on your hands. It's the emotions, dialogue, description, the mood, the stories, the foreshadowing - it all blends into this great piece that, I believe, is the perfect representation of you as a writer. Absolutely lovely.

I hope I wasn't too nitpicky. I hope it made a bit of sense, anyway! Oh, last thing - LOVE the title. I do love my quirky, interesting titles and yours really suits the piece!

Shelby

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