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Review:accioHPFF says:
Hi!

I think this was a really good start, especially for your first fanfiction!

I really liked the dynamics that you established between the characters. I thought Mr. and Mrs. Potter were very convincing in this, and I think you did well with Sirius, James and Lily too.

There were a couple of minor spelling mistakes that I noticed, but they didn't detract from the story! One thing I would say, I think you should use a few more contractions. In some of the dialogue particularly, you could use some contractions to make it seem perhaps a little more natural.

I really liked the way that you included Mrs. Black in this too, and the story regarding the money and Sirius' choice of career. I think that was quite a unique thing, and it worked really well!

The dialogue in this was really good! I think that apart from the lack of contractions, you managed to make it seem natural. The only comment I'd make here is that I think you could try to add a little more description, because I thought that there was quite a lot of dialogue.

A great start to your first fanfic! I'll be stopping by to review more soon!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I will definitely try and work on more description and contractions. I hope to see your reviews again, this one was very appreciated and helpful!
-JChrissy


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