Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:accioHPFF says:
Hi!

I think this was a really good start, especially for your first fanfiction!

I really liked the dynamics that you established between the characters. I thought Mr. and Mrs. Potter were very convincing in this, and I think you did well with Sirius, James and Lily too.

There were a couple of minor spelling mistakes that I noticed, but they didn't detract from the story! One thing I would say, I think you should use a few more contractions. In some of the dialogue particularly, you could use some contractions to make it seem perhaps a little more natural.

I really liked the way that you included Mrs. Black in this too, and the story regarding the money and Sirius' choice of career. I think that was quite a unique thing, and it worked really well!

The dialogue in this was really good! I think that apart from the lack of contractions, you managed to make it seem natural. The only comment I'd make here is that I think you could try to add a little more description, because I thought that there was quite a lot of dialogue.

A great start to your first fanfic! I'll be stopping by to review more soon!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I will definitely try and work on more description and contractions. I hope to see your reviews again, this one was very appreciated and helpful!
-JChrissy

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Submit Report:  





All stories remain the property of their authors and must not be copied in any form without their consent. This is an unofficial, not for profit site, and is in no way connected with J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books or Bloomsbury Publishing or Warner Bros. It is not endorsed by any of the aforementioned parties. Rights to characters and their images is neither claimed nor implied. The use of photographs and/or the likeness of any person contained herein does not imply endorsement of any kind. Any depictions were obtained through publically available sources and therefore fall under fair use. Although we may provide links to other websites, we are not responsible for any material at these sites. You acknowledge that you link to these other websites at your own risk. All original administrative content is copyright of the site owner and must not be copied in any form (electronic or otherwise) without the prior consent of the siteowner. ©2000-2012 Fanfictionworld.net

[terms of service] [report abuse] [privacy policy] [site credits]
 
 

navigation

home

search HPFF
read stories
write stories
login/register
get help
site links
forums
podcasts
Terms of Service
Site Rules
contact us

  
 
 

categories & genres

Genre:
- crossover
- drama
- fluff
- general
- horror/dark
- humor
- mystery
- romance
- action/adventure
- angst
- au
- young adult

Popular Pairings:
- harry/ginny
- ron/hermione
- james/lily
- draco/hermione
- more...

Format:
- one-shot
- short story
- novella
- novel
- short story collection
- songfic

  
 
 

quick links

my account
ToS
random story
site rules
help
merchandise


  
 
 

fanfictionworld.net