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Review:Moonyxluna says:
Hi! Here with your requested review :) First off I want to apologize this took me longer than normal; work has been quite insane the past week. Secondly, this is my 400th review! So yay milestones :p

Anyway, let's talk about your story!

So Bill's a bit of a celebrity, getting a part in a newspaper article about him! All the Weasleys, it looks like. Though, I think you should take another look at it phrasing wise- the first sentence felt awkward from the length, and the 'to be sure' in the middle. By no means was it un-readable, but maybe move around the words a little and see if something sounds clearer :)

I loved Fleur being bored at the ball, and how you had her watching Gabrielle. It was a creative way to put a distinction in each of their characters and show how different they are. And of course, bringing in Gabrielle's charm against Dean was sweet.

I'm interested in some of the liberties/sub-plots you will be taking in this. Having Fleur's father dead and the Weasley's being wealthy is defiantly something different so it will be an interesting change to see how that helps or hurts in bringing Bill and Fleur together. Plus you had mentioned there would be no Voldemort, so I'll have to wait and see if Harry and/or the Potters make any sort of appearance in the scheme of things..

I should tell you, I was a bit wary when I started reading because of the whole 'ball' idea, but you've done such a fantastic job of making it your own original moment that I hardly could come back and talk through it as I wanted to keep reading. Having Fleur relate to Hermione about the gossiping girls, the dances with 'Charles and William'-- every moment was so beautifully placed making such a beautiful read.

A few unnecessary commas (maybe two, and now that I go back I can't find them), if you do an edit take another look at those unnatural pauses. But other than that I didn't notice anything punctuation/grammar wise. I wish I could be more helpful, but I really like the direction youíre going with this so sorry this is more praise than help! You're doing a great job with it. And of course, re-request when you get the next chapter all posted! :)

Author's Response: Yay! Happy 400th review!

I do see how that sentence is pretty long and will work on it. I was trying to make the language a bit dated so maybe that's what you're running into in that? I'll look again too. I'll also make more note of my commas and such (I do love them).

I have definitely taken liberties with the HP world as I'm bringing the HP world and molding it with a Victorian-era story.

I was so happy to read that you felt that this was original and that you liked the different things that I inserted into the overall story!

Thank you so much for this review!


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