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Review:academica says:
Hey Liz! I'm here with your requested review :)

Overall, I feel like this was a nice one-shot, and it does a good job of reverberating the same themes I see in most of your work. I do wish it had been a little bit longer; on the one hand, I think the message is short and sweet, and so the length makes sense, but I think you could add a little more by expanding on some of the themes you've introduced. For example, I would have liked to see more about what Harry used to like about the cold, and maybe a little more about "all that has happened" to change his views on the cold. I mean, we obviously know what happened to make him feel so miserable in this moment, but it would be nice to hear it from Harry's perspective, even if it was just for the purpose of filling this out more.

I think you did well with the emotion, and even though the "I don't know" and "I can't stop" phrasing seemed a teensy bit repetitive, I clearly gleaned the desperation Harry was feeling from your repeated use of those words. In fact, I think this piece would benefit from including some more "plot" to go with the emotion; for example, you could bring Hermione back into it at the end, asking whether Harry is okay, since he seems so lost in his thoughts even with her and Ron nearby.

I certainly don't think this is stupid, but I do prefer the pieces you do where you try to expand a little more on Harry's adoration for Ginny and how she fits into his overall mission and life. Here, I felt like you were telling me that she means the world to him, but I didn't get as much of a sense of why she is the one thing he is really fighting for, considering all that is staked upon his victory over Voldemort. As a result, other reviewers might argue that you're not accurately portraying his motives. I really admire your love for Ginny and Harry, and I think you could make the argument that Ginny is his primary motivation, but I feel like if you want to do that, you need to really make me (and any other readers) believe it when I get finished reading one of your pieces. That would be a powerful thing indeed to behold, in my opinion. (A good way to test this ability might be to run a story by a friend who you know doesn't ship Harry/Ginny, and then ask them for their opinion. Has your work at all changed how they feel?)

I did like this piece, even if it isn't my favorite of yours, primarily because I think it was daring for you to admit that Harry's motivation might be selfish, and that it could be "the wrong reason" to fight back and carry on. It's those little touches of raw honesty that will help you make your case for Harry/Ginny. I didn't notice any major technical errors, which is great, and the piece seemed to flow well. The only other addition I would suggest is to consider adding in some imagery at the beginning, just to make the reader feel how cold it really is. That would also help to fill this out some.

Nicely done! I hope this review is helpful :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hey again.

I wished it was longer too, but I didn't know what else to add, and this one-shot felt so confusing, but I feel like every now and then I have to take these little risks with my writing, and I don't know sometimes I get just worried about them.

I don't know if I really like this one-shot. I really thought I did when I was posting it, but I think instead of trying to get more of people's thoughts on it, I'm just going to post something else.

I like the one that comes after it more for some reason.

I'm sorry I wasted your time.

Lizzie


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