Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:water_lily43175 says:
I love how much thought you've put into everything! All these intricacies about how the Floo system works... I didn't even think twice about it!

I dislike the sound of this vision of Gabe's...

One thing. The bit coming from Jennifer's point of view. Would it not make more sense to refer to the likes of her and Wilson by first name in this instance? I mean, I doubt she refers to herself by her surname, and she certainly doesn't refer to her friends that way. I mean, Gabe is referred to as Doyle here, because that's how she thinks of him... I know it's probably for continuity's sake but it makes the passage feel less as though it's from HER point of view, like it's more distant. I dunno... Me being picky again, I guess!

Author's Response: I only thought about how the Floo system works when I had to figure out how to abuse it. Magic-Technobabble time!

Hmm. You're right about the surnames thing. I was doing a Thing about the points in which the narrative shifts to refer to them by first names, because MOST scenes of the Lions are from Gabe's POV, or a more generally omniscient POV, but there are a couple of exceptions and considering this scene is really MEANT to be viewing Gabe from the Lions' POV as an introduction... thing... it ought to be closer to the Lions themselves. Considering the narrative's change to first name terms will go along with Gabe's shift to first name terms I'm probably hammering my point home enough. So yes, you're right about the name thing. I ought to edit!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 296
Submit Report: