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Review:SeverusSnape15 says:
Sorry that it's taken so long, but i'm here with your review.

This is wonderful for a first second-person, and a first Snilly. I actually teared up, because i've never really seen anything like this. My favorite part is the beginning, where he sees Harry's eyes. I really like how you wrote it.

You have MANY run-on sentences, though. You may want to get a beta for this story. It's pretty short, so I don't think it would take too long, but there are numerous run-ons for this little story. Maybe it's because it's your first time with a second-person piece, I don't know. I also think you could add some more in. Maybe, they could walk into the light, or walk somewhere, talk about something, anything. It just seems like it needs more, like it didn't end.

I think it's really canon, though. Severus would act just like that when he saw Lily for the first time in ages. I think it's good, but you could use some changes. :) As I said before, Betas can help you a lot. I hope I was of some help. ~Cierra.

Author's Response: That's okay - you're here now (or was here...)

Thank you! Aw, I'm sorry - I didn't mean for you to tear up! *hands tissues*

Ugh, i'm terrible with them :P I'll try and get a beta and see if they will help me haha, thanks for pointing that out!

Jas


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