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Review:BoOkWoRm24 says:
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Awww this was heart breaking. I feel so bad for Hannah and Neville. I have to applaud you because you conveyed everything extremely well. Your words truely brought out the tragedy something like this is to parents. And poor Benji!

Now I don't really know much about Cerebal Palsy, but I can relate to the overall concept of having a kid who is diagnosed with a disease like that (my cousin was born premature and has loads of health issues). I'm sure a lot of people can relate to this issue and therefore to your story.

Your pacing was superb. It helped to build the suspense. Its like they go to St. Mungos what's wrong with Benji? Darn they have to go elsewhere. They go to the muggle doctor. Whats wrong with Benji? darn there is a test that's going to take a half an hour. Then you get around to telling us and it leaves your reader sad, but very connected to your characters. It was very suspenseful, but still flowed fast enough that your reader wasn't left waiting and waiting and waiting for the final diagnosis.

Your description in this chapter was slightly more subtle, but it still worked. I had a good idea of what their surroundings were like the entire time and I had a pretty vivid image of all the happenings going on in my head.

Your characterization of Gran was much better in this chapter. She didn't seem as formal and you could tell that there was a strong bond between her, Neville and Hannah.

As for the doctor I thought that he was fine. He is a bit mechanical but this didn't seem unnatural. First off this is the first time he's met the Longbottems so he isn't going to be overly familar with them. In fact when you think about it a doctor probably would be mechanical in this type of situation. At the very least you would think the man would be reserved as he delivered such devestating news to parents.

Anyway this was an exellent second chapter, and I am looking foward to seeing where your going with the next chapter

Keep up the good work

-BoOkWoRm24

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing.

I am glad that you liked the chapter and that I conveyed what I was trying to get across well. This is a tough topic to handle so I am happy to know that people can relate in different ways and that it was confusing to anyone.

I am so happy to hear that the suspense was good. I was worried that I might have drawn it out for far to long, but hearing this eases my mind. I knew that in order to get my thoughts/story across I needed to make the chapter longer. It is the longest one I have ever written.

I am glad that the more subtle description worked. I didn't want to overwhelm the readers with description because of what was coming in the end. Gran is better in this chapter? YES! Thank goodness. I was hoping she would be.

Thank goodness the mechanical aspect of Dr. Michaels works. This is how I see doctors at times. Some are really helpful and sympathetic and others are mechanical. Nobody ever wants to hear news like this...ever.

I am working on chapter 3 and hopefully will have it up soon.

Thanks so much!! =)

-SR17

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