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Review:CambAngst says:
Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.

In the midst of everything that's going on with Cora and young Sirius James, I liked the fact that you took a break to explore what's going on with some of the other characters. You even managed to segue into it smoothly, which is a definite plus.

Poor George. It's tough to even imagine the extent of his suffering. I thought you captured his thoughts and his need for solitude quite well. I also liked the way you set up his moment with Luna. She didn't come barging in, trying to get him to open up and spill all of his sorrows. Instead, she just offered to share a moment of pain and grieving with him. I thought that was very nicely done.

Following Luna afterwards, I enjoyed your take on her inner monologue as she makes her way to St. Mungo's. You did a good job of capturing the person behind the caricature and expressing her very real, human feelings of hurt and grief. It's very easy to think of Luna as a person who doesn't suffer, because she is so strange and mercurial.

And her scene with Neville was the high point of the chapter. I loved the effortless sort of way that the two of them were able to comfort one another as they both dealt with the toll that the war took on their families. There was nothing artificial or high-minded about it. It all felt completely genuine and heart-wrenching, but uplifting at the same time.

As far as constructive criticism, I probably won't have any surprises for you. You really need to get your spelling, grammar and typos under control. You have a really intriguing premise and you have a real talent for making an emotional connection with your characters, but it's so jarring as a reader to try to get past these little problems. Sometimes I'm reading along and really getting into the moment and BANG, a typo knocks me right out of the moment. It's a shame, really, because I want to just lose myself in this story.

So definitely keep writing, but I think you could really benefit from slowing down just a bit and spending more time proof-reading. If you can do that, the story is really quite lovely.

Author's Response: aww I'm sorry my typos knock you out of the moment!! that's terrible! I'll go back over it and see what I can find. It's amazing that writers can miss so much when they think they've got everything :P
I'm very happy you thought Luna and George and Neville's moments real. Honestly I have no idea where these thoughts came from, but sometimes writing is like that and you chanel something and you have an amazing chapter. I'm very happy I can do Luna's character well, she's very unique and I'm honored to hear how much readers love her. I may end up doing a story based on her :)

Thank you for the wonderful feedback, very helpful to know I still have quite a bit to fine tune, I don't like the idea that you readers get interrupted by something as small as a typo :P

Thanks so much!


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