|Review:||In The Shadows I Dwell says:|
It's InTheShadowsIDwell from the forums here, (finally - sorry about the wait) with your review!
Let me start by saying, I loved this, it’s so rare for me to read something that just focuses on Remus/Tonks and I have to say I really love how you’ve written this. It seems so perfectly believable, like this could have actually happened, and following his thoughts it’s interesting to see how he came to the decision at the end, no matter how sad it is, really I just wanted to cry.
So I'll start with grammar and spelling, I noticed that this sentence: “he would be alone completely and absolutely” was sort of awkwardly worded, perhaps it would read a little more easily as something like ‘he would be completely and absolutely alone”, as the first just caught my eye as I was reading. Also, this sentence: “there was still life, still something to keep fighting for, to keep alive for”, also caught my eye as the use of ‘keep’ twice in such a small space of words didn’t quite flow as nicely as it could have, perhaps something like ‘stay’ could work a little better there in the second part of the sentence. Though it’s not necessarily a huge thing, it’s really just me being picky/something that I noticed. There were a few other little grammar issues, though they really aren’t anything a quick beta/edit can’t fix up and overall your spelling and grammar, particular for such a long one-shot was good!
I really love some of the imagery you’ve used, lines like: “the floor-boards moaning in protest as he stepped upon them” really made me feel like I could almost hear the floorboards myself, and as someone who likes the smallest of details it’s something I really liked. I think that really helped with the emotions too, there were so many, Remus considering his options so carefully at the beginning was almost heartbreaking, choosing between his wife and child’s happiness and safety or leaving them in danger. Remus always to me seemed to be the type that overthought everything, and I think you really captured that side of him so well in this chapter. The fact that he really can’t decide makes the ending even more sad, and Tonks’ response to this was just heartbreaking.
It’s very easy to imagine this as what actually happened, because you’ve really captured the both of them well, their characters and their thoughts and fears during this time. I think really, it’s your characterisation of Remus that I love most. His fear that his child will be a monster and that somehow it will be his fault. Tonks attempting to reassure him that she loves him and that not leaving is the best option just broke my heart, because she always seemed to be this strong character, but it’s easy to see how there could be this other side to her. I think your writing really portrayed their relationship well, you could see how much he loved her, but at the same time how he just wanted to do what was best for her. You really captured how the difficulty of the situation was made even more difficult by his own thoughts.
Well done a lovely chapter, I love how you've explored both of their character so well, and how you chose to write this particular moment in their relationship! Keep up the lovely work!
~ In The Shadows I Dwell
Author's Response: Hi there,
I completely forgot I requested this, so it kind of was a nice surprise! Fair play for your devotion to following requests up though, even after such a long while. Thanks so much, I really appreciate it!
I am so glad you liked this, and that it nearly made you cry, because I wanted it to be heart breaking and sad and when it produces a reaction like that, it means I've done things right!
Sorry about the small grammar errors, I can never pick them all up no matter how many times I proof-read, I'll fix them pronto though, thanks for pointing them out.
I am so glad you think I got Lupin right. He's my absolute favourite character, and I would hate, absolutely hate, to get him wrong. I don't know why exactly, but I just find it so much easier to get inside Lupin's head than Tonks's. She caused me a lot of problems here, and she went through several re-writes so I am really glad you liked her. I wanted her to be strong, as she is in the books, but I also wanted to show how hurt she is at Lupin's departure, you know? So I am glad you think I did a good job on her here.
Again, very happy you liked the imagery, I'm an imagery person, so I am really glad you liked the images I used and that you think that it brought the story to life more.
Again, I'm just so glad you think I did this right, and that you reckon it is believable too, because that's really important, that it seems real.
Thank you so much for taking my request. I really appreciate it. Your review was a nice surprise! Thanks so much :)
Ps. Love your pen-name by the way!