Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Moonyxluna says:
Hi dearie! Here with your requested review!

So, fun fact. I've never read a George/Angelina. When I saw your request I tried to figure out something I had read to keep it as a point of reference, but I've never read one. Here goes my first!

The first thing I think is you should give this a little bit more of a story summary. You have the list of challenges, but I think even anything besides what ship it is would help bring the readers attention in more. Even what you wrote me on the forums, about how this is Angelina helping George get out of his shell of losing Fred; just anything :)

The killers quote: I don't know if this is the way you were going with this, but I totally took it as Fred saying it sarcastically, and that was what was making Angelina so angry. It was a cute flashback, seeing the famous exit of the Weasley twins through someone else's perspective. The only thing I could think is the capitol letters were kind of distracting. Instead of typing in all caps maybe say "I shouted" at the end? Even if you don't, it's clear that she is upset and they just felt distracting.

Lovely, lovely transition into George's perspective. Repetition can be such a great technique when used well and you hit it on the hammer by him thinking the same thing as Angelina was. Fantastic.

You had asked if there was anything I could see that I think you could improve on, and one thing is that, it feels like George is moving on really quickly. He's at Fred's funeral now, and he's already thinking about the shop, and about the future; I would expect him to be numb and/or sobbing, not thinking about when the shop should be opened. He lost his other half, I think he has every right to have those selfish thoughts about why his brother left him. It is lovely to see him moving on, but I think it was a little quick paced.

However, I really did love the small bit of interactions between George and Angelina. It was nothing romantic at the moment, but it was nice to see them at least speaking and even relating with the huge emptiness in-between them. It was very sweet.

One of the other things you asked about is plot holes. This was only the first chapter but I didn't notice anything off the bat, so good work there. This links with What Means Most, and With Sirius Black, right? I'll be looking for the mentions :) Feel free to re-request for the next chapters!

Author's Response: Thanks hun, yeah, this was one of my early fics so I didn't really have a clue how to write this one, but I like the suggestion about the shouting thing, and yes, Fred was being rather sarcastic, not that he didn't mean it, but he was taking it lightly.
I'm very happy that the transition between them went well, I've always tried hard to make it seamless.
Yeah, maybe he's taking it too quickly, but I always thought he'd bury himself in work, and hide his feelings, so I'm not sure about changing that part, but I appreciate the feedback.
Oh, and the fireworks at the funeral was a link with What Means Most
I'm glad you liked a peek into Ang/George writing, and it was new for you :)
I'll prolly fix the story summary soon :P
Thanks so much for the review!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 316
Submit Report: