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Review:Moonyxluna says:
okay, so first things first I really don't know where my brain went because I thought this moved to the top of my favorites because of an edit, and then it just kind of clicked and I felt really dumb, and then I worked all day yesterday and this morning, so blah blah bad excuses I'm here now though!

Anyway. Review time!

Intense beginning! I can tell when I'm reading this I'm going to have the 'impending doom' the whole time; every time something goes wrong with her I'll be freaking out that it's 'the moment' for her. But it was well written. I liked how Amelia was in the professional mode, and Draco just kind of stood there all helpless and fidgety.

This part (I'm not going to copy & paste the whole thing but you'll get the idea): --...behind Narcissa's head and looked at Draco who was staring at her. A flush of pink rose to her pale cheeks as she quickly made to clear the mess she... --the sentences felt kind of long so I think you should switch them up a little bit if you edit. You could say something like; Once she was done she slipped her hand out gently from behind Narcissa's head and looked at Draco. When/As she realized he was staring at her she felt her cheeks flush; avoiding his glance, she rushed to clear the mess she had made of the surrounding area when she had come into the room. -- or something, I dunno if that even sounds better.. Just an idea, feel free to ignore :)

I really liked the part about when she asks him about his 'hate because of blood'; it was something that had to come up and (at least I think) that's what he's been thinking about with the ring, and the way she asked and refused an answer was neat; it sort of left him thinking instead of causing another argument. I think, the sentence before, when you say, "blah blah" He replied to her. you should add something like "she could still feel the distain in his voice, [even after he had watched her save his mother]." orr something like that. Again, just ideas :)

[okay so you know I review as I go and after reading the end I came back up to add that if he meant it in a normal tone without the 'hatred' then don't change it.. or maybe even: "he replied in a flat tone."]

Ahh, the ring. I thought it may have had something to do with Lucius. It was a really neat bit of symbolism to watch his mum tell him to take it off-- sort of, her giving him permission to move on and finally make the changes in his life that his heart wants to.

WOAH. okay.. she only has a few days!? I am not ready for this.

That was a big moment at the end with his 'ready to end speech', and I liked the way you had it. The fact that he straight out said how he wasn't using it as an excuse and he knows what needs to be changed. all in all I just love the way you write Draco.

The one little bit of advice I want to end with is don't rush Draco and Amelia (as much as I'm probably going to sit and beg and plea, don't listen to me :p).. I looove how this is going, but take your time with them. You are doing a fantastic job with that now, but keep that in mind as you write future chapters to take things at the right pace with them.

I liked the length :) and this chapter was very heart filled. Great work on this! Again, I apologize for my slowness in not reviewing sooner :p Can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Hi there!

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

I am glad that you like how the story is going so far. Yes, Draco and his standing there looking helpless is exactly spot on. Not many people can just jump into action with something like that so I wanted to make sure that I emphasised on it.

The ring was tricky. I had to re-write it a few times before I found a way for it to stand out as a symbol like it does. I figured it was the best way to go since I know it makes it more relatable to others. Everyone has an attachment to something and he is attached to his parents living or not. Everyone grows up into there own person. His mother is his driving force.

I do like the idea of spliting that sentence up. It would flow a bit better if I did. Thanks for pointing that out.

She does have a few days...left. *Gulp* I think it is the best chapter yet to come. There will be 5 more chapters following that one. Yep, that's the plan take it slow with them because I want it to evolve in a believable way. I got that idea from you actually from Knock on Wood. =)

No worries about it taking a while before you read and reviewed. I know life is crazy busy and you have your own writing going on as well. I am glad that you liked the length!

Thanks again! =)

-SR17


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