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Review:Broken Butterfly says:
Hi Scorpiusrose17,
I like the story overall, its unique. I really like how you started the story with the day the child was conceived and then immediately moved into the nine months later, delivery of the child. I also like how you didn't over exaggerate the scenes by over loading with two much imagery, but used just the right amount of description. For your ability to do that alone really captured my attention and my interest to keep me on the "I like This" path of reading. So For that alone i'm rating this at an 8/10. You had mentioned that you already are aware og spelling and grammar errors, there are a few but I won't dwell on that. What I think could use some redefining is the pace of the story. Some scenes seem to move a little quick and there isn't a lot of conversation from Ron and Hermione as a couple. I get a feel from the way it is being written that they have a semi-dull marriage where they have a normal routine (As you mentioned) and they don't stray from that routine often. I don't know if you intend for this dramatic emotion of dullness in their marriage to occur or not. Rest assured that either way it doesn't take away from your story at all. Possibly it adds to it by giving your readers something to really think about. I really like the plot and the flow of the sentences, you used a good vocabulary when writing this and it isn't confusing to read at all. This is a very thoughtful and well written work.
I hope that my review is able to answer your own questions about your story.
Broken Butterfly

Author's Response: Hi there!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I am glad that you liked the story and that my description was good and not overwhelming.I usually have a tendency to either over do it or down play it too much.

I don't think I intended for their marriage to seem semi dull, maybe more like that day in itself because they are newly weds and things are still a bit crazy. Besides Hermione would be all over making sure that everything is more uniform. I am glad to know that it sort of adds to the story and makes the readers think.

I am also very happy to hear that my sentences and vocab don't confuse you. I usually have trouble with that too.

Again thank you so much for reading and reviewing it was very helpful and insightful!

Thanks!!! =)


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