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Review:MercyWaters says:
Here from the Review Battle. :)

This was an interesting chapter! I liked seeing Tom meeting new students and really seeing how Hogwarts is, finally. I'm interested in seeing where his relationship with Snape goes as well. Will he become a father figure to him? Guess I'll have to see, haha. I also really like the insight we got into his past in this chapter, about his brother and his last moments, as well as the hatred and bitterness he was surrounded by in his childhood.

I liked how he immediately saw Quirrell for what he is. That's interesting, and it gives a whole new dimension to Tom's character. He's clever and notices things that most wouldn't. But a couple things--you spelled his named "Quarrel" throughout the whole chapter. This is incorrect. It's spelled "Quirrell". Also you might want to tone down on the stuttering a bit. I realize this is easy to get carried away with, it just seems a little overdone. Try re-reading scenes he appears in from Sorceror's Stone for a reference!

Also, the sorting hat. It doesn't speak aloud for the whole Hall to hear while sorting. It simply whispers in the hat so only the one being sorted can hear. Don't get the movie version confused with the books!

A suggestion: I think Tom should show some prejudice towards others, especially those who are not purebloods. Although he doesn't seem to agree with the ideology he was raised around, he was still exposed to it his entire life. It's something he grew up with and for most of his life he knew nothing different and heard nothing but the biased and prejudiced things from his father. This would have a huge impact on him, especially during his childhood years. His personality and ideas about others would most definitely be influenced. This would be a good opportunity for internal conflict, he could be struggling with prejudice and hatred towards others that he doesn't want to have anymore. Or he could be confused on what he's supposed to believe. He just seems too accepting and calm when you think of what he was subjected to as he grew up.

My last little pet peeve... use question marks! During their conversation, Scott asked several questions, put you didn't include any question marks. This is essential. Readers will be extremely turned off from a story if there are glaring grammar mistakes and mechanical errors. Watch out for punctuation!

This story is intriguing. I hope to read more soon. :)

Bri, xx

Author's Response: Thanks for the review :)

I actually went over this chapter a few days ago and edited a lot of the stuff you pointed out specifically the sorting hat and the question mark thing. Unfortunately it hasn't gotten through the queue yet so you read the rougher version. A day or two more and it wouldn't have been a problem.

As for your suggestion about Tom I think thats actually an interesting take on things. I never thought of things that way. As you'll see later his mother had a rather straight moral compass and I guess I always thought about it like that would have solved all prejudice but now that I think of it you're right it probably wouldn't. Hm I think I'll have to edit that in some how- maybe put in a new subplot with Scott or something.

Thanks again

-Liz


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