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Review:CambAngst says:
Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.

This was an interesting and fun little vignette. I liked the way that you stepped outside of the timeline of the main story, although I think I would have liked it a little more if you had somehow woven it into the context of the first two chapters. Maybe something along the lines of, "While James and Roxanne were scrubbing the Mandrake pots behind greenhouse 3, his thoughts drifted back to..." I guess it wouldn't be a huge difference, but it might have felt a bit smoother.

I liked the change in proprietorship of Ollivander's. It's hard to imagine old Garrick still being around, given his advanced age in the books and the injuries he suffered in DH. I'm curious how Jane is related. That would have been an interesting detail to work in. Since she's been making wands for at least 10 years (per the second-to-last paragraph), it seems likely that she would have at least apprenticed under him.

So Roxie's wand is rigid. That make perfect sense in context, and it was a nice little detail.

The section with James is more interesting. It sounds like he's taken on some of the less agreeable aspects of both of his parents' personalities. One thing that I thought would have been interesting in this section is to have Ollivander go through a progression of possible wand choices from the more pliable types (ivy, willow) into the less yielding (oak, blackthorn, mahogany), with a bit of commentary along the way. I did love your ultimate choice, though. That sounds like one stubborn piece of wood.

Overall, this was a fascinating aspect of the story to explore and I really enjoyed it. It was nicely written, with no typos or grammar problems that I could find. I would definitely enjoy reading more of your vision of Fred and Roxie.

Author's Response: Yeah, I wish I could switch around the order and make this the first chapter, but unfortunately I can't. I do like your suggestion, though - I'll definitely look into expanding this a little and integrating some better segue into it!

Jane is his niece (or great-niece, I haven't decided). I considered working that in, but I couldn't find a decent way to do so that felt natural. Ditto for the woods - Harry certainly did experience that, and I wanted to keep it within what makes sense for a wandmaker to share with the patrons. Most people probably don't even know the difference, and I don't know, when people are trying to sell me things they usually don't go into that much detail! :P Could just be a difference in experience, though, you know?

Thank you for your review! :) Roxanne is a main character is Curiosity Is Not a Sin, and there's a lot of Fred in some of my Victoire stories, on the off chance that you're interested.


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