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Review:Aphoride says:
First of all, I really like the idea of this collection: looking at all those characters who were bullied in the books (because there were quite a lot of them, after all - Harry, Neville, Tom, Luna, etc.) and showing how it affected them. I really look forward to seeing how you show the differences between their characters - there will be similarities occasionally, of course, but a lot of differences too.

Moving on to the story - gah, I really liked it! Tom Riddle is such a pain to write as a child (I tried it once and failed. It was horrible, lol), but I thought you did it pretty well. You had the journey from him being relatively innocent and quiet to being more... well, evil, I suppose, and cruel mapped out pretty well. I can easily see him progressing from there and moving on to become Voldemort, always remembering the idea of him becoming a king, like the snake told him he would be.

The whole Travis and Nagini thing was a really good idea, too. A really original way of working in Nagini and showing Tom's mental progression as well. The only bit I was unsure about is right at the end when he brings Nagini back to show to the two bullies. I'm just not sure if two eleven year old boys who aren't scared of snakes would really be that scared of Tom Riddle - it just seems a little out of place. Maybe a bit more description would help, or a slightly toned-down reaction? I loved the conversation with Travis, though, and the use of the word 'freak'. Reminded me so much of Petunia and Lily and Harry - I don't know if that was intentional, but it was a good link nevertheless.

Just a quick thing: there are a few tense errors (using 'is' when it should be 'was') throughout the piece - maybe check it over again, or use the forums to get a quick beta for it? It would just make the flow a little bit easier!

Overall, I really liked this! Your characteration was brilliant, the plot was so original and I really like the whole concept of this collection.

Keep going! :D
Aph xx

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you pointed those errors out to me since thats what I've been working on as a writer.

I had a bit of a hard time writing Tom's chapter but I really wanted the story to start off with Tom Riddle's character since I thought that it was a dramatic entrance.

It's currently being beta'd :) Just waiting for my beta to get the current chapter back to me!

Thanks so much for your review! I'm glad you enjoyed it and it made me happy to hear your opinion!


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