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Review:MercyWaters says:
Very interesting second chapter. :) I'm still enjoying the premise, and I like how you're characterizing Tom Riddle III. Your writing is flowing well and you've got me wanting to read more. I think this story is going to develop well.

One thing, however, your characterization of Dumbledore is a bit lacking in this chapter. I know he's very difficult to get right, the key thing when writing him is to get his dialogue accurate. Dumbledore has a very distinct way of speaking and using his words. You must harness this and use it to your advantage. Maybe go back and read scenes from the books he was in, or use particularly good stories from the archive, but I think you should focus a lot on him and try to improve his characterization and dialogue. Example: "I know but we have a special case on our hands. He can't be sorted into Slytherin" would sound more like Dumbledore if worded something like "I am aware, but we have a student here with, ah, different circumstances to be taken into account. This young man cannot be placed in Slytherin." You should also use more commas in your writing. There are natural pauses that fall into the cadence of our speech when reading/saying something. You should re-read your writing, and whenever there is a pause in your reading, insert a comma there.

Also, I'm noticing that all your characters have similar voices. Tom speaks the same way Dumbledore speaks, as well as the same way McGonagall and Snape speak. You need to work on differentiating between their personalities and really insert yourselves into their mind while writing them, so they sound different and unique.

I thought it was interesting you sorted him into Gryffindor. Not in a bad way though, in a good way. :) It goes to show that Slytherins and Gryffindors are much more similar than they think. I have a question though--in the common room, why is there a picture of a griffin, rather than a lion?

The dream bit was nice. It gave the reader good insight into Tom's past, and his twin brother who he seemed to get so emotional about in the past chapter. One thing I found odd though, is that he sounded so much older than he was. You said in the dream he was only 7 years old, yet he used words such as "rehabilitate"?

Lastly, here are some quick typos I noticed:
"Dumbledore talked to the hat as if it were a respected college" college = colleague
"Professor McGonagall will show you to your dorm" I think it would sound more authentic to use "dormitory" here. I don't remember it ever being shortened to dorm in the books. It sounds almost too casual.
"He lied back down and fell back asleep." The third person, past tense form of "lie" is "lay". It should be "he lay back down".
"Tom was sitting strait up in his bed" straight = straight
And in the last paragraph you misspelled Muffliato.

Other than those slight things I thought could be improved, I'm still enjoying this greatly. Nice job!

Bri, xx

Author's Response: Thanks for the review :) I haven't gone over this chapter in a long time so that is probably why it is a bit lacking in places. On top of that I started this fic half a year ago (It was my very first one) so I wrote the beginning chapters without a good understanding of good fanfiction. When I went over it just now I had to cringe a bit too. I'll be sure to go back and fix the speaking of Dumbledore and try and give the other characters a bit different voice. Thanks for catching some of my typos too. I really appreciate it. Hope to see you again in the review battles:)

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