Have I ever told you that you are one of the best writers on the archives? Best if I haven't, I am now.
I adore this story. I'm a huge Teddy/Victoire fan, and I love the way you've written them. You did a great job at changing Victoire's voice as you went along and she grew up, which really helped pull me into the story. I also felt like you really managed to give Victoire and Teddy very distinct and interesting personalities in a very short amount of space. I fell in love with them as characters, and the story was just 1500 words long. I'm not surprised that you managed it, though - see "best writer" comment. :P
Victoire at eleven was absolutely believable, and, as importantly, she was distinctive. I've often found that when people write about a student's first trip to Hogwarts, it comes off as fairly formulaic, but this wasn't. Yes, you talked about her feeling nervous, which was important, because realistically, she should be feeling nervous, but between her comments ("I am the blind leading the blind") and her wishing they'd gotten there later than they did so she wouldn't have to choose where to sit, this came off beautifully, and utterly and completely your own.
I was a bit confused by something in this first section, though. I'm assuming that the boy with brown hair was Teddy, but from the way the section is written, it doesn't seem like Victoire knows who he is. That seemed a little strange to me - I don't necessarily think that they were best!friends!ever before Hogwarts, but I would think that they'd have at least met each other enough for Victoire to recognise him, you know?
The little scene of the two of them in the CR was just such an adorable portrayal of the start of their relationship. I love the idea of a teenage Teddy sneaking the girl he has a crush on into his CR, and their first kiss was one of the cutest things ever, and perfect considering their ages. I also loved that you kept some of the shyness that was there in the first section when you mentioned her not liking parties very much. (I loved everything. Let's just say that.)
I felt like you continued on in the same vein while still clearly showing that they've grown since the last section. I absolutely loved her thinking about a prince to sweep her off her feet and thinking that Teddy's the only one who can do it. It was just so perfect for a teenager who's clearly deeply in love, and there was something really nice about her thinking that she's never felt so victorious at the end - it fit the scene so well, and I think in that little sentence, you really showed so much character development from when she was younger. Her thinking that Fleur would be proud of her was also a great addition, because once I thought about it, I decided, "Yeah, I can see that."
Only one tiny issue: the dialogue isn't properly punctuated. It should be, "Did you hear me?" he says and "I love you," I call back softly. Otherwise, though, this is amazing.
The scene in the graveyard was probably my favourite section, because this was such an interesting take on how Teddy might have felt about Remus being a werewolf. The worries he has about who his father really was worked so well here. I can understand why he'd be so unsure and why those thoughts would go through his head, despite being told by many people that his father was a good person. I also loved the way you presented Remus's being a werewolf as causally related to his and Tonks's deaths - I can see how for him, years later, that leap might make sense. Nice parallel with Bill as well - you manage to say so much with so little!
The last two sections flow together really well. There was a natural progression from the proposal to her having Isabelle - I don't just mean that in the "after people get married they have children" sense. It's more about the themes, and the way you reference back to the graveyard and talk about the flecks in his eyes, and show that his and Victoire's relationship continued to change and grow. It's beautifully done.
So yeah. This was absolutely brilliant. Sorry for the meandering review that overused the word 'love.' :P
Adding it to my favourites now. :)
Author's Response: I'm pretty sure you have, but it means so much to hear it from you once again :) I'm so unbelievably sorry that this response has taken so long. School invaded my life in early April and really only just moved out, so I'm trying to make up for lost time as quickly as I can.
I'm so happy you like the characterization, because I know how much you love Teddy/Victoire. I had so much fun navigating Victoire's life with her and watching her and Teddy fall in love over the years. I'm glad the opening scene didn't come across as cliche, because I know what you mean about those Hogwarts Express scenes ending up a little "formulaic". I think you make an excellent point about Victoire knowing Teddy -- if I had to think about it, the only way I can think of that she wouldn't know him is if they played when they were really little, so she might not remember him, and then didn't see each other for several years. However, considering the family, I think your point is very much valid.
I definitely didn't want to go over the top with the romance here, just so I could keep things light, and so I wanted the whole piece to have a simple, innocent feel. I'm glad you felt like the common room scene fit that, and that you could identify with Victoire's girlish tendencies later on.
You're absolutely right about the dialogue tags. I wrote and published this piece before I had properly learned to use them, and so while my new work reflects the improvement, my older pieces are still incorrect. I may go back and edit them all later, but it probably won't happen until I'm out of new ideas :) Still, though, I appreciate you pointing it out.
The graveyard scene was the one that inspired this whole piece; it was a little bunny that related to the theme of lycanthropy that tied Victoire and Teddy together, and I felt like it hadn't yet been written, so I wanted to do it. It's great that you felt like Teddy's thoughts were realistic and liked the connections I made.
It's so lovely that you liked this and enjoyed following the progression, but even more that you were kind enough to leave such a comprehensive review. It really is a treasure to get one from you :)
Thanks again! I appreciate it so much! :)