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Review:x0xShattered_Dreamsx0x says:
Hi there, I stumbled onto this from the forums and I'm definitely glad I did. I really liked what you did with this first chapter - basically painted a picture without a whole bunch of unnecessary words and long winding run on sentences to add length. Most writers, I notice, are so hung up on length that they inadvertently take away from the story, come away from the task at hand so to speak and I'm glad you didn't feel the need to do that.

There wasn't much geared towards characterization as far as the introduction with the two main characters but what you have written in the beginning paragraphs we can see that Hugo, a virtual canonical OC is your average teenage boy - impatient with the boundaries set in place by his age.

The attack itself is well written despite it's limited words and this brings me back to my initial comments about not using pretty prose to draw it out for word count. I could see it all vividly in my head just as if I were watching it take place.

I can't wait to see where you take this story but you have me hooked so far. 9/10.


Author's Response: Hi. Yeah, I notice that sometimes and I don' notice the length. I stop when I feel it's right to stop.

Thank you for the review. :)


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