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Review:Cirque Du Freak says:
Hullo!
I'll start with the critique again. :)

"his Armani [sunglesses] up" -- typo, sunglasses.
"to trace [it's] whereabouts" -- here you need to change it's to its as it otherwise reads as "to trace it is whereabouts".

"his hands through it one [to] many times" -- too.

"What is ... stones that would [would] willingly travel the world to find them[.]" -- extra would and this sentence doesn't make sense unless you add a pronoun in the place of the extra would.
This sentence starts with 'what' so therefore a question mark is needed instead of the full stop.

"his list of [priorites]" -- typo, priorities.
"Henry scoffed [halfheartedly]." -- typo, there needs to be a dash/space between half-heartedly.

"had [obvivously] believed" -- typo, obviously.
"him to stop[,] then a spell" -- either remove the comma or add 'and' after the comma.

"out at [arms] length" -- need to add an apostrophe here, arm's.

On to the story!

I really enjoyed this chapter, because of all the time jumps everywhere. Its very interesting to read two different eras in one chapter - to see that nothing about Tristan has changed very much, his goal and mannerisms are the same. I think you've done really well in the consistency of his character. :)

I'm glad you alluded to what Tristan is rather than just outright saying it, because it gives the reader the chance to come up with theories on what he could be. I had guessed as much from the last chapter that he was a Vampire (lots of reading & episodes of TVD does to that to you ;D).

You've really made me interested in what he wants the gems for exactly and what he has to go through now to get the final one seeing as from the time jumps its taking him quite long to retrieve them all.

I didn't find the name changes particularly confusing, but its good you pointed out seeing as some other readers might. :)

Anyway, its a really good chapter - I enjoyed it!

Cirque.

Author's Response: Hey.

I'll get to those errors, thank you. :)

Yeah, Tristan only has one goal in mind and it has taken him a long time, but we'll get to why that is as the story continues. :) And, yes, he's a Vampire. I agree, TVD does that. :P

Thank you. :)

Sam.


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