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Review:Cirque Du Freak says:
Hiya! Its HopelessRomanticx from the Forums with your review!

I found this really interesting as a first chapter, but just some nitpicky things (most suggestions and just me being...me ahah, feel free to ignore!)

"He rubbed at the rope bound around his wrists, [itching him,]" -- here I feel like this sentence is quite awkward so I would word it as "He rubbed at the itching rope bound around his wrists".

"and looked up to the [judge]" -- capitalise Judge.

"he was going to die and [his answer]" -- this seemed like it was an afterthought rather than an important attachment. I think you need to add an adjective before 'answer' like 'absurd' or 'uncouth'.

"to the [judge] standing" capitalise Judge.
"red [jem] and held it up" -- spelt as 'gem'.

As for the broken speech of the old man - I think you need to tone it up a little to really emphasise his voice so instead of ""What are you doin' back here?"" rid of the 'you' so its a bit rougher.

""An' who gave you permission to come aboard me boat." -- "An' 'oo gave you permisstion t'come aboard me boat?"

That sort of thing. :)

On to your story!

I love the idea of this alreayd - the mystery of this character, how does he get away with not dying, is he really just a Wizard, why would he want a jewel, how often does he do this, how old is he? All those lovely thought-provoking question makes my inside squee in pleasure. :D

I think you've really got an interesting premise and to use such easy language with the time period is also very important and really encourages readers to try out older time periods and not find it hard/boring.

I think I might have liked a little more description/monologe of Tristan at the beginning of this chapter, but otherwise it was perfect and I enjoyed this very much!

Cirque.

Author's Response: Hey, sorry it's taken so long to respond...

I shall be going through those errors soon, thank you for pointing them out to me. :)

I love that you have these questions, It'll make it interesting when you figure out what he is... :P

Thank you so much for the review.

Sam.


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