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Review:ScorpiusRose17 says:
Hi there!

I really enjoyed this chapter. I was sad for Rose though. I can relate to what she went through and it is a tough thing. You had me in tears at that part.

I thought you did a great job characterizing both Rose and Lily. Rose is that know it all that we love, but she has a sensative side too that we don't always get a chance to see. Lily was also fun to read. She had that I'm like my mother if you disturb me I will curse you into oblivion bit to her, but yet like Rose she had another side to her also.

I really like the plot and how it is progressing so far. I am curious to know how Jake is going to react when Lily tells him the news and what she decides to do. I also think you did a wonderful job portraying the symptoms of a pregnant person. The moment Laura walked into the room with the plate of food I was mentally yelling No! No! =)

Again, the flow of the chapter is disrupted by the uncapitalized words and spacing issues between commas and periods. This is something that you can easily fix which I explained in my last review. I wouldn't let it discourage you in any way. I think that your story has a lot of potential and is doing a wonderful job keeping with a fresh idea that it draws me into it.

Overall, I really like your story so far. I think that your idea is fresh, fun, and interesting. I am highly intrigues with what is going to happen and I thought you paid quite a but of attention to your facts. Your description of them and how a person would react was well done. I liked the characterization of Lily and Rose. I think that it is progressing well and the plot is coming together in a nice way. You could still use some work on the flow of it, but other than that you did a great job!

Keep up the good work! =)

-SR17

Author's Response: i'm sorry about the tears, and thank you, thank you for the tips and reviews :)
- pottefan310
p.s lily tells him in chapter 7


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