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Review:Kwan says:
Hi Maelody, good to read one of your stories.

I think the concept is interesting but one that's difficult to pull off sometimes. The things you have going for you (the nonlinear narrative) serve to jar the reader and keep them off balance. The only thing that was confusing from the first chapter was when you jumped years in the flashbacks. Perhaps a present memory can serve as a transition between the two separate time frames.

While I do like the characterizations, Pansy is one annoying girl! I know she's supposed to be this way but it's incredibly grating for the protagonist to be so unhelpful. Still, I enjoy Neville's gentile nature to her though I do question all the Muggle belongings in his flat. But I like that there is some mystery behind it and I know you'll give us some more clues later as to why Neville just moved in and the exact relationship between Draco/Pansy.

Part of me believes that Draco wasn't ever in a relationship with Pansy and that she's actually going out with Neville but such a jarring realization would only hamper her ability to recollect her memories. It will be interesting to see what happens.

There were just a few grammar issues and misspells but I think that's more to do with typos than a lack of understanding. The one thing I would suggest is that sometimes you insert dialogue in the middle of blocks of paragraphs. Look into separating the dialogue so the paragraph doesn't seem so busy and sometimes confusing to read.

Otherwise, an interesting start and some great characterizations despite Pansy's lack of likability.

Author's Response: Thanks for coming over to review!

About the flashbacks, I didn't really want them to be flashbacks, I wanted them to be more so dreams, so the fast pace moments of when she is falling asleep and dreaming due to a spell and waking up in between made me think about how she is actually feeling. This isn't the first confusion about it, so I think I will definitely look back at it. Thanks! :)

I read this story to my best friend once I'm done with each chapter, and she hates Pansy! I actually feel quite accomplished at how much she hates her! Though, in chapter three she really started feeling for the character, and, if you decide to read on that far, something happens to change that like! My goal for Pansy is: She lost her memory in a span of 10 years. The last thing she remembers is being a seventeen year old girl who has always been a witch with a capital B lol. She doesn't have anything to hold on to, her memories have completely left her, and she is magically a twenty-seven year old woman now with no answers! I hope this helps explain her unlikeable-ness. :)

You have good theories ;). I guess the only way to find out would be to continue one *coughcough*. :)

Anyway! Thank you so much for coming over to read this and review it!


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