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Review:ScorpiusRose17 says:
Hi there!

I really enjoyed the characterization that you had of James in this chapter. It is nice to see him not always getting into pranking trouble all the time, but in turn he's still getting a telling off by his parents for being messy and what not. I could see Harry and Ginny being that way. First child, out in the world on their own and mom & dad still feel they know best. I think he is a realistic twenty-one year old. They drink, they work, they stink. James has this mysterious side to him in this chapter though. I find it quite intriguing. I think he is similar to his canon counterpart. I also think that His parents seem that way and George and Angelina do too.

I think that you writing this is second person is awesome. It fits the style and comes across as natural. I think the plot is very interesting. I am pulled in and I am highly intrigued by that other person that was at the bar and I want to know more about them. I want to know what James is going to do and if he is going to continue to drink his problems away or if he is going to face them.

Overall, I think that you have a solid first chapter that is unique and natural. Your characters are known, but you still have them carry an air of mystery about them. The plot is inviting and draws me into want to read more and makes me ask questions. I am still amazed at how well you write in second person. It is something I wouldn't be able to do. I did see a couple of small typos, but looking back now I cannot seem to find them. (that is how minor they were)

Keep up the good work! =)

I cannot wait to see where this adventure leads!

-SR17

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! I wanted him to be similar to fanon!James but not too similar, so he's messy :P I imagine Harry and Ginny to be very aware of their kids' safety, which is what spawned the whole idea of the arguments and suchlike things. I'm so happy you think the canon characters are close to their canon counterparts, though! It's so hard - particularly with Harry and Ginny, who we know so well! :D

I'm so so happy that it interests you. I was so worried when I wrote it that it just wouldn't contain enough plot - everything spins and spirals out from this point so it was hard to start from anywhere else.

Ah, thank you so much! Second person is actually becoming easier the more I write in it - more and more natural, I suppose. Ooh, typos! I might comb back over this and see if I can catch them! Thanks for mentioning that!

Thank you for the lovely (and helpful) review!
Aph xx


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