Hi! Maggie here with your review!
This is just precious! I love reading fluff, and this one-shot has everything fluff-lovers like me look for: romance, humor, and adorable children :)
Here's how I'll break this review down: I'm going to tell you my thoughts on the first scene first, and then I'll move on to the second one.
Your first paragraph is great. The description of the house is just so warm and charming, and it definitely invited me to read further. Actually, I think description is definitely your strongest point in this fic (and I also remember being impressed with it in Unknown Hero.) You give so many vivid details and your imagery is crystal-clear. I love the "cheerful" fire and the "decorations on the tree alive like dancing jewels". That second example is my favorite line of description in this entire story--it's just beautiful!
While your dialogue gets the messages across, I think you've got some room for improvement there. There were a few places where I thought the dialogue seemed a bit stiff, especially in Ron's case. The line, "I'll just take the goblets in along with the bottle of Oak-matured Mead that I picked out" is the most striking example of this--it just seems too formal for Ron.
That said, I do like the fact that Ron doesn't give a huge, emotional speech when he gives Hermione the necklace. You keep it touching yet short and to the point, which seems just like Ron :) And I felt the same way about the love scene...I like that you kept that part somewhat understated. I think it's well done.
Okay, first thought: "The boot of the car"? Is that a British thing? Because I read that and was totally confused. I'm from America, and I've never heard any part of a car called a "boot." I'll be interested to hear what that sentence means :)
There are several plot elements that I love in this scene! I cracked up laughing when Ron drove off without Hermione, and during the waiting room scene. I can just imagine being one of those people applauding in the waiting room when Hermione has her outburst :)
Speaking of Hermione, I love her bossy attitude. Even in extreme pain, she's still arguing with Ron. The part where he asks why she wanted to drive to the hospital...her response shows just how much she loves to be right ALL the time. It's so her, and I just loved it :)
Right after the healer says "Keep close", Ron just up and leaves the room? I saw that some other reviewers commented on this, and it struck me as a little wierd as well. I feel like a husband in that situation would be really careful to follow the doctor's orders to a T.
Apart from that, though, I think you capture Ron much better in this scene than in the first. He's completely flustered, blushing, scampering to get things right and messing them up in the process...it's just so Ron. I love when he looks at Hermione and goes, "You name your necklaces?" It's just like him to say something like that in the middle of a touching moment.
As for the gemstone, I think you do a good job incorporating it into the story. I love the part where Ron gives the necklace to Hermione (so sweet!) and having it as the inspiration for Rose's name is a great touch.
Thanks for requesting! I really enjoyed this story--it definitely brought a smile to my face :)
Author's Response: Hi there!
Thank you for reading and reviewing. I am glad that you enjoyed it and it brought a smile to your face.
I am super happy to hear that you liked my description its been something that I have been working on the most when I write. I had to think a lot about how to describe Christmas orniments in a life like way, so I am glad that you loved that line because it was my favorite one too.
Obviously I need to work a little more on my dialogue too which is okay because it gives me another area to improve on. I think that the reason why the dialogue with Ron is a bit awkward is because I was trying to get him to be secretive, but obviously I didn't need to. I will have to change that.
I worked really hard at getting Ron to explain the necklace to Hermione and their love scene just right. I didn't want to go over the top because I thought they were both subtle enough characters where I could get my point across, yet still make it interesting as well.
Sorry for the confusion. Yes, it's a British thing. The boot of a car is actually the trunk. The hood is also referred to as a bonnet. I guess my British intermingled with my writing there. =)
I kept thinking about how Ron was looking for Hermione's bag and what I could do that sounded like Ron. When it popped into my head to have him leave because he is so flustered I just had to do it. I am glad that it worked out. I really felt for poor Hermione and her patience was already thinning with having to deal with an overwhelmed Ron, so I thought that she should take it out on the attendant. I had to show her bossy demenor and her having to be right attitude in there. So I am happy that those shined through.
This was a hard part for me to decide on what to do. Do I leave Ron in the room with Hermione and have her go all crazy or do I exit Ron to check on the family? When the Healer says to keep close I think Ron by this point is so use to doing the opposite that he just has to get out of the room. That is why I did that. I wanted to incoorporate the family as a whole as well and Hermione wasn't going to get out of the bed. ;)
Leave it to Ron to take a serious moment and make it funny/memorable. I don't really know why I thought of that line "you name your necklaces?" But like you said it's just so Ron.
I am glad that you felt that I incoorporated the Gemstone well. That was my biggest fear going into this challenge. How I was going to use it and make sure that I didn't over use it.
Thank you again for reading and reviewing. I am glad that you enjoyed the story. You have helped calm my fears and you've made my day. I will be making some changes to this in the near future.