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Review:Tonks1247 says:
Hello! This is Nymphie Tonks from the review battle!

This was such a cute story! I have always adored Lily, being the youngest of the Potter family, and I really love that she was the main character, along with Lorcan. I think the biggest thing I really loved about this story was that while it was focused on something simple and joyful, it had the dark undertones of what life was. It talks about the war, about loss but doesn’t get so lost in it that it can’t mention friendship. Because really, I think a lot of people leave out the war and what effect it has on people even years later. So really, I love that you added that. And I wanted to cry with Hermione….so sad that their granddad passed away :( I know that’s never fun, and with a character everyone knows so well…it was sad.

And I also mentioned the friendship, which I did want to carry over into a different paragraph, because I really did adore the relationship between Lily and Lorcan. Most boy/girl relationships turn into someone having a crush, and sometimes that’s nice, but it’s also nice to have the innocent frienships…to point out that just being friends with people is okay. And their friendship is really cute, from what you have written here…it really was lovely.

I did notice a couple spots that I thought could use some editing. Mostly minor nitpicky things, but I thought I’d mention them none-the-less.

“Lorcan’s freckled face turn upside down from a cheeky grin to an expression of pure dismay.” –this sentence was a bit confusing. I think maybe because it’s in present tense, so instead of ‘turn’, maybe ‘turned’. Maybe a bit of rewording too?

“James and Lily were both Gryffindors; James was a fourth year, Albus a third year and Lily still ‘an ickle firstie’.” –In the first part of this sentence, I think you should add something about Albus being a Hufflepuff…because I was a bit lost as to whether he was or not and mentioning him in the first half will balance out his mention in the second half, if that makes sense?

“Even though the wizard behind the stories was dead, the days when Mrs Scamander his in her room and spoke in nonsense, and the times when Lily’s father yelled out in the night were evidence…” –I only took a part of this sentence, but if you read from ‘the days when Mrs Scamander,’ it almost sounds as if something from the sentence is missing or something…I found it rather confusing, so it may be something you want to look at?

Other than those few things, this was quite a lovely chapter. I enjoyed reading it and I really felt it was a good complete little story! Great job! [Also sorry if this doesn't fully make sense...wanted to read and review a little before bed xD]

~Grimmerz

Author's Response: Yay! Thanks so so much for the amazing review! I'm really glad you enjoyed the story, I spend quite a lot of time on it because I wanted it to be decent but luckily I've got some time before the closing date of the competition so I can edit, and it really needs it.
I love Lily and Lorcan's friendship too, and I wanted to make it quite clear that it was nothing but friendship, and a very strong one at that.
Thanks so much for the little errors, the one about Luna is where I typed an s instead of a d, but makes such a difference to the meaning of the sentence, so thanks for pointing that out! Same with the other two.
Thanks again for the wondeful review, it was amazing!
Livi x

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