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Review:manno_malfoy says:
Hey there! I'm manno-malfoy from the Ravenclaw Common Room, here for the Review Battle.

First of all, I'd like to tell you that I am very glad I got to stumble upon this story. It's quite tranquil, and your descriptions, though simple, set a very calming atmosphere for the reader. Nonetheless you could have combined some of these shorter sentences to make them a bit more complex so the thought doesn't stop at every full stop... Other than that, I think you set the right mood with the amount of description you've put in.

I love Hugo's character: the quiet, passive bookworm who's just in the background all the time. Though you didn't have him think something like, "I am always in the background and no one cares for my presence", you just showed us that. I really liked that because it's always nicer when you just let the reader infer the character's personality, especially when the story is written from a first-person perspective. Or I feel good while reading when that happens anyway!

You had a couple of spelling, capitalization, and punctuation mistakes here and there, but not too many, and nothing too grave anyway. And at one point, you started shifting between past and present tense. For example, "Lorcan and Lysander, work there at night sometimes." I think "work" should be in past tense. But problems as such should be easily avoided through proofreading and such.

I'm also quite intrigued to see how you'll have Hugo know about the brown-haired girl's presence further on in the story.

Anyway, I think this story has lots of potential, and you've written a very nice first chapter that makes me eager to see what will happen next. I'll probably be coming back to see more of this.

Well done so far, though! And keep going!

-Manno

Author's Response: Thank you so much! :) I really appreciate all of this! :)

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