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Review:GrangerDanger76 says:
Hey there! It’s GrangerDanger76 from the forums for Team Bronze!

Wow, can I first say, that I absolutely adored the opening. It got me hooked onto the story, fast. I related to that one moment and I’ve never really seen that sort of thing done before… Well done!

Second, even though this is for a challenge, the whole only having exactly 500 words thing is really neat. You went all out and certainly did it well.

Another thing I would like to commend you on would be the way you did descriptions. Since you obviously only had 500 words to work with, you couldn’t put a ton of description forward. However, the description that you did do, was perfect, and subtle, but very impactful. My favourite is as follows…

“He chuckled, his laughter filled not with mirth but with a jagged edge that cut straight into anyone who heard it.”

That seriously gave me chills.

The characters were another wonderful part of this. I figured since you never mentioned the narrators name, it was an o/c. He was wonderfully developed, what with the flashback to his childhood and the description of his parents. I also really liked how you portrayed Voldermort; Especially like the description above about how his voice was a jagged edge and stuff. That was spot on, and I really enjoyed reading him.

Beautiful work. I had to go back and reread it several times because it was such good, quality writing.

However, you know when you read a good story, and I mean quality descriptions and loveable characters, and the grammar and spelling absolutely…sucks? I mean it just absolutely get’s in the way of reading.

I am very pleased to say that this is not one of those stories. Your grammar and spelling are spot on, so I give you props for that.

Anyways, I should most likely stop rambling now… :)
Camillia
GrangerDanger76

Author's Response: Thank you for really looking at and breaking down what I did here. 500 words is an awesome challenge so I can understand why this is a Classic one. You had me a little scared there with your sentence on grammar so I'm glad to know that this story is not like that!

I wanted to do a story with a faceless character and I'm glad you were able to connect with him despite that. Voldemort is also interesting to write about, especially from the viewpoint of someone who is seemingly under his control.

Thanks again for taking the time to review!

Char


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