Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Sapphire_Skies says:
I think this fic has promise, this is the sort of thing I would normally read, but I do think you have a bit of a problem with repetition and over-doing things slightly, or perhaps dragging things on for too long. You’ve got an engaging, down to earth style of writing that I love, and your spelling and grammar seemed fine, but despite your three thousand plus word count, nothing much really happened. You introduce us to the characters, we learn that Molly is a great seeker and a bit of a tomboy, but I thought that the discussion of the article dragged. It kept coming up again and again in the conversation between Molly and Lucy and didn’t really add anything that we didn’t already know. Once we learned that Lucy thought Molly a good Seeker, you could have jumped to the part about Percy, which would have moved the story along and added a new layer to the story. Every line of your story has to be interesting and has to add something or it’s not worth including. Readers aren’t going to remember the odd boring line or two, but they will remember a lot of them, which will detract from the actual story.

In terms of characterisation, I think you’ve set Molly up as an interesting person. I don’t think we’ve seen that much of her yet, but she’s interesting in terms of her situation (her want to be a Quidditch player conflicting with the wants of her father) and she seems very likable and down to earth, and I would keep on reading to see how she develops, to see what else we learn about her. I would be careful because in places she does come across as being a little bit of a tomboy Sue, but I think that is down again to the overly-long discussion of her being a great seeker because I didn’t get that impression of her when I read on further.

Percy I am holding judgement on. On the surface he seems to be the same old ambitious Percy from the books, and I do think he would have changed a little in the intervening years and learned a lot from his experiences during Deathly Hallows, but we haven’t really seen much of him yet.

In answer to your questions, I would read on because I am intrigued about the possible conflict between Percy and Molly, and also because I took to Molly as a character.

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for stopping by!

Yeah...pacing is something I worry about a lot with this story (with all my stories, really.) Thanks for your honest opinion. I will definitely try to get things moving a little faster in the future.

I'm glad you like Molly so far! She is definitely a tomboy, but she has a lot of room to grow during the story. In future chapters I hope to show more sides to her character.

And as for Percy, you're not the first person to say this about him, and I see where you're coming from. While I agree that he would have changed after his DH experience, I think that his main change would be in his family relationships. I don't see him changing his personality. In my mind, Percy learns to stay close with his family while still remaining who he is. Hopefully that all makes sense!

Thank you so much for your time and honesty! I'm glad you're seeing potential here, and I really appreciate the review :)

--Maggie

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Submit Report:  





All stories remain the property of their authors and must not be copied in any form without their consent. This is an unofficial, not for profit site, and is in no way connected with J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books or Bloomsbury Publishing or Warner Bros. It is not endorsed by any of the aforementioned parties. Rights to characters and their images is neither claimed nor implied. The use of photographs and/or the likeness of any person contained herein does not imply endorsement of any kind. Any depictions were obtained through publically available sources and therefore fall under fair use. Although we may provide links to other websites, we are not responsible for any material at these sites. You acknowledge that you link to these other websites at your own risk. All original administrative content is copyright of the site owner and must not be copied in any form (electronic or otherwise) without the prior consent of the siteowner. ©2000-2012 Fanfictionworld.net

[terms of service] [report abuse] [privacy policy] [site credits]
 
 

navigation

home

search HPFF
read stories
write stories
login/register
get help
site links
forums
podcasts
Terms of Service
Site Rules
contact us

  
 
 

categories & genres

Genre:
- crossover
- drama
- fluff
- general
- horror/dark
- humor
- mystery
- romance
- action/adventure
- angst
- au
- young adult

Popular Pairings:
- harry/ginny
- ron/hermione
- james/lily
- draco/hermione
- more...

Format:
- one-shot
- short story
- novella
- novel
- short story collection
- songfic

  
 
 

quick links

my account
ToS
random story
site rules
help
merchandise


  
 
 

fanfictionworld.net