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Review:sapphire_skies says:
It’s an interesting beginning. It draws me in as a reader, there’s enough background to give me a good idea as to back up the characters’ state of mind and enough movement to keep me wanting to read more. However, I wasn’t really a fan of the opening sentence. I feel it’s a bit too bluntly stated and impersonal for a character that we know so well in the books. I’m not a fan in general of things like that, so perhaps it is me being a little subjective, but it put me off a little.

I do like the mood and the tone you’ve set for the piece. I think it’s probably fairly accurate for the aftermath of a war that had such an impact on a fairly small community and claimed a lot of lives. I think you’ve done well with the emotion so far, it again is believable and the things Ron notices are very in character. I was particularly taken with the way he was affected more by the state of the shop than seeing his brother’s face, though I can’t quite see why there would have been a picture of Fred and George above the shop, as there isn’t one in canon. But it was very effective.

With regards to characterisation, there wasn’t all that much in this chapter to go off, but what you did have was quite good.
The mentions of the Weasley family felt accurate, and I really liked the line, ‘They were everything that they wanted to be, and Ron was always, deep down, jealous.’ I think it shows the growth of Ron’s character that he is able to admit that he was jealous of them, and I think it’s something he’d only be able to do after he’s been through the events of the last book.

On the technical side of things, there were a few awkward sentences, for example the second, ‘No one who didn’t have to be out and about was around’, and some that didn’t entirely make sense (‘None of the Weasleys wanted to do anything, or, more accurately, didn’t know what to do anymore’), but spelling and punctuation was generally good.

A good start overall.

Author's Response: I'll be sure to rework that first sentence and the awkward ones on my next update of this, thank you for pointing them out :)

I'm glad you think I did well with the emotion. That was probably one of the hardest things to capture, as I have to real experience with war and its aftermath.

Thank you!
Del<3

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