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Review:Tonks1247 says:
Hello!

This was…this was strong. It was short, which I know was the intention, but it carried a message. It held that edge of fear - fear of disappointment, of pain, of disapproval - and it did it well. It also dug into a moment I never put a moment’s thought into, which I think made it even more awesome. It gave me a new perspective on a fact I overlooked, on the whole branding of the Dark Mark upon a followers arm. And I’m very glad I got to read it.

There was one nitpicking/word choice/opinion word choice thing I noticed, along with an issue of tenses.

“No, Master.” My voice pitched low, a false hope that he would interpret it to what he wanted to hear.” –With this one, I was thinking ‘as’ instead of ‘to.’ It may just be me, so definitely not something that /needs/ to be changed.

The other thing was there was some present tense within the past tense. I figure you intended it all to be in past tense, as that’s how the majority of the chapter is, and it was within the first half of the chapter I noticed that, so you may want to look at that.

Otherwise, this was a very fantastic little blip in time. I quite enjoyed it! Great job!

~Grimmerz

Author's Response: Yeah, I totally noticed that my tenses went whacko throughout the whole thing. I'll have to fix that at some point.

I did want to delve into some faceless Death Eater's past and present and I'm glad that I was able to communicate the moment.

Thanks again dear!


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