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Review:Aiedail says:
Hi! Me for the TGS review swap :)

I haven't read a lot of Next Gen running-off stories, so this was a new experience for me. I was a bit wary because I didn't understand the amount of danger that Lily's family really seems to be in so I don't know why it upsets her as much as it does. I'd expect to see some kind of real examples of how she worried about them, like how when she thought about the tea cup her brother had given her for her fifteenth birthday she couldn't even enjoy it because she had to then wonder about James, and how he was. I also don't know why she's so mad at Albus. It seems to me it's just his way of coping. It's possible she's just too upset for this to make any difference for her, though. It also took me a long time to understand that Rose and James are aurors, right? Or am I still confused about that.

I like Edwin, but I have a lot of questions about him. I realize that you probably address a lot of these things in later chapters, but the first chapter shouldn't be overlooked as an opportunity for some basic information, right? I wonder things like does he live alone? How old is /he/ ? How come he doesn't know how old Lily is but she knows his address and that he'll take her in? Why does it matter to him so much that she's eighteen? The color on the wall stuff lost me a little bit, though. Also, with the bed stuff, I got confused about who was who for a while!

I like the premise you've set up. I can see there will be some exploring to happen, a lot of new freedom that Lily will and won't be ready for in different measures. I like that Edwin is a Dursley but I foresee problems with his parents / relations plus the fact that Lily isn't being very careful about using magic in a muggle neighborhood and the Ministry keeps tabs on those kinds of things. Overall I didn't have a very clear impression of what things looked like so I was having a little bit of trouble getting into the story. It's hard for me to know what things mean to Lily--she's willing to forego a family that loves her and knows her for a cousin who brings his pals into the place and who doesn't know how old she is--and I can't yet see exactly why. Still, I'm interested in reading more because I like the newness of this situation and I'm excited that you'll have this great new canvass to work with.

I think I will try to read and review your other chapters just to see if some questions I have noted here are things you do take care of later. I understand that first chapters with WIPs are sometimes strange places, and often times, the story actually starts in a different chapter :) Good job and good luck with this!

-lily

Author's Response: Hey! :) Sorry for taking forever to respond to this. I got a little backlogged.

I definitely agree that the first chapter does need to include a fair amount of information, at least to set the scene. I thought that I'd made some of those bits clear, but I'll have to go back and look at it again, because it seems like I didn't. :)

As far as him knowing how old Lily is specifically... I don't know. You put a lot of significance on it, which I really wasn't intending, so maybe I need to cut that part out. I'm close to almost all of my cousins, but I'm not always clear on exactly how old they are. I didn't really think about it being confusing when I put it in, but I certainly don't want it to come across that way, so maybe I should look again.

Thank you so much for the review. I'll definitely look back at this chapter to try and clear some of the things up, and I'm sorry again for taking so long to answer this!


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