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Review:forsakenphoenix says:
I thought your descriptions in the beginning were great. It was such a perfect way for Hermione to wake up - the smell of bacon, and then throwing open the window to have the wonderful smells of the outdoors as well. Everything just seems bright and cheery in the morning, and when she makes it down the stairs to Ron, it seems like they're happy and in love.

But then Ron acts like a pig and Hermione's mood turns on a dime. It's a bit jarring, I think, the way her thoughts turn towards her discontent. Though the way that Ron is so oblivious to Hermione's anger is very reminiscent of their Hogwarts-days. It's just like Hermione to run away too, to avoid confronting him.

I can't believe Ron just asked her if they should get married. That's the stupidest thing a boyfriend can do. Sometimes men are so clueless.

There were a couple of things that I'd like to make suggestions on:
to sit bolt upright - you have two verbs right after each other. I think it would be better to just say "bolt upright" which would imply that she's sitting up as well.
Also, When she felt like shed fulfilled the criteria of cleaning herself - I don't know, but this sentence is just kind of weird, like 'fulfilled the criteria' is just awkward.

Otherwise, this is a great first chapter. I'm interested to see how the Marauders come into play and Hermione's interactions with them. She's obviously not happy with Ron so I can only imagine how that will affect how she responds to what I'm assuming will be one of the Marauders' affections.

Author's Response: Hey :)

I'm glad you liked the description. I wanted to make the almost perfect scenario for her to wake up in! so you got the impression about her being completely in love with Ron.

I think it should be a little jarring though because of the two contrasts in the scees. I wanted there to be some comparisons to thier Hogwarts days though and Hermione is always the one to run from confrontation!

Ron did make me laugh. I had to rewrite the scene several times just to get it right!

I shall look over the chapter again and I'm glad you liked it. The marauders will come into play but most definitely not in the way you will imagine!


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