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Review:CambAngst says:
Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.

I really like the way you start off this chapter. All of the details are so tangible and earthy. It's easy to put yourself into Hermione's place and follow her through her morning routine. I loved all of the little details, especially the Survivor tattoo.

Everything starts off so wonderfully with Ron. They seem so taken with each other. The first hint that anything might be wrong comes when her thoughts on how to spend a proper morning as a couple are obviously centered a bit farther up the body than his.

Then it all comes off the rails. It was really jarring when Ron suddenly turns into a complete pig, which I suppose was how this was intended to be. The fact that he really doesn't pay much attention to what she wants made it obvious why she's so disaffected. Then comes his "non-proposal", which has to be the world's most cardinal blunder as a boyfriend. It feels like he's regressed a bit since the end of Deathly Hallows. But Hermione is not without fault here, either. She can't just come out and tell him what's bothering her, rather she runs away and hides in her work. The dynamic is very reminiscent of their school years.

I thought your writing was spot on in this chapter. No typos or grammar problems that I could find. There was one thing that read a little awkward: "Her grin grew wider as she made her dainty little steps down the staircase, her hand trailing down the bannister. Taking her final silent step down the staircase, she noticed the red-headed man next to the stove." You use the words "down the staircase" twice, very close together. You might want to mix the word choice up here.

This was a really nice start to something. I'm interested to see what this bit about time travel is going to be.

Author's Response: Hey :) Thank you for tagging me!

I'm glad you like the little details and how I start it off. I really wanted to set the scene in this chapter just to really let people know what was going on and who the story was really about.

The Ron and Hermione relationship is a complex one and I love them both however they both have different things on the agenda obviously!

Ron does make me laugh. I just imagine him to be completely unresponsive to any of her hints and I still imagine him to have similar attributes to what he did when he was at Hogwarts particularly with eating.

His 'non-proposal' was the funniest thing to write within this as it is one of the worst things any guy could do. Hermione also has faults in this, I won't deny it but that's just the way she deals with things that upset her.

I'm glad you liked my writing and you should know by now that some of my writing can be a little awkward so thank you for pointing it out!

I'm glad you like it and I'm glad you're interested to see where I go with it!


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