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Review:charlottetrips says:
Hello again, dear. I’m here with your requested review!

Just as a perfectionist point: The Christmas I'll never forget  - each word in the title should be capitalized. Also, I feel like your summary gives away too much of the story. It’s a one-shot and a light one at that so maybe it could be as simple as “After deciding to spend their first Christmas alone together, Ron surprises Hermione with a special gift.”

Since you said that you are already of your spelling and grammar areas, I won’t get into those so much here.

Your first paragraph is a lot for someone to take while reading on a computer screen. Perhaps you could break it at “Ron smiled to himself…”

Her cheeks [] a little flushed. - [were] (I know I said I wasn’t going to get into it but I can’t help my nitpicky self!)

You’ve set a very cheerful and warm scene with Ron being all fanciful about how his home looks like a gingerbread house and with the careful way you’ve described everything. I appreciate this because it brings the whole thing before me to watch as you play the rest of the story out.

When you have a character saying something and then putting “Ron said” or “Hermione stated”, there should be a comma rather than a period prior to closing the quotations.

as she began to plate their dinner onto the plates.  - maybe you don’t have to use “plate” twice?

Hermione’s thoughts and statements seem a bit formal, mainly because you aren’t using contractions such as “That is” instead of “That’s”

Ron blushing over this: "She also said that it can encourage passion and love to develop." is so Ron :)

[baited] breath - bated

ROFL. OMG, Ron leaving Hermione while he rushed to the hospital!! I love it!! And how the Healer has experience with irate pregnant women :)

I saw that you really did take the time with the details and helping to get the reader to see what was happening. I do have to say a little that I found the right/left turns describing a little too specific but otherwise, I appreciated that you described each scene for me.

Since that is when she was [produced.] - “conceived” seems to be more an appropriate word.

The Healer’s dry but entirely serious remarks were great! I loved the quips she gave.

The whole story was adorable. I totally though you were going to name their daughter “Ruby” and have this non-canon but then you segued it to Rose’s name and I was like “Yay!” I was left with a nice feeling in the end because of the happiness that everyone is experiencing in the story. While the story wasn’t about some dramatic thing, you told the story of a moment in their life and you did it very nicely.


Author's Response: Hey Char!

Thanks for reading and reviewing! I am glad that you liked it.

I'm sorry it's taken me this long to respond to your review, but I did read it before and I have already changed the Title and the Summary.

I was thinking the samething about the first paragraph, but I wasn't 100% sure when I wrote it.

Thank you for pointing out my grammar errors. I really appreciate it. I love writing, but I stink at grammar. I do plan on making some changes to the mistakes I made coming up soon.

I had a hard time thinking of something funny that I could do that seemed very "Ron" so when the idea came to mind to have him leave the laboring Hermione at home I just had to use it. I think it played into his unsureness that he has.

I am glad that you liked the Healer. I wanted her to be almost robot like with how many times she has helped deliver babies.

I just didn't have the heart to name her Ruby. I thought about it, but it had to be Rose. I thought it would have been a bit heavy on the gemstone if I did. I just figured that hey a Ruby is Red and Rose are too.

Thank you very much. This review has made my day especially after the tough week that I had. =)


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