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Review:AndrinaBlack says:
Thanks for participating in my challenge! It's great to see that it inspired something like this!

This was so beautiful and sad, and sort of confusing in a good way. Meaning that I didn't know at once who was talked about and who was dying. But that added a mystery and something of the atmosphere to the story. She is confused herself so it follows logically too that the reader is a bit confused too.

One thing that's maybe a bit too confusing is this sentense though: "She had adopted muggle wear because she believed they were being implicitly prejudiced against and she was taking a stand." I think something is missing here; prejudiced against what? She had adopted muggle wear to wear normally? Because now she was wearing dress robes, right? And who was prejudiced. You could maybe work a little on that sentense to make it more clear.

I think this might be intentional, but I just point it out anyway. It took a really long time for me to realise that she wasn't talking about her mum anymore, and I'm still not completely sure if there's more about her than "mum said it was real". Like is there something about what she's wearing or is it all about Lucy after that. Like i said before, I do like the confusion of not knowing who she is talking about and what is going on. It fits in to the situation. But this was a thing where I had to go back to read again to see where she started to talk about Lucy or was she talking about her all the time. So what I'm saying is that it's all up to you what you want the effect to be.

The part about how she thought or tried to convince herself that it was all just a dream was really beautifully written. I loved that especially. Also the fuzziness in her thoughts there tricked me to believe that Molly was the one dying, and then later I realised that she was at a funeral and it was Lucy who had died.

The chapter's called "Don't be sad" but I can't help but be sad. She's in denial, but it still gives me cold shivers. Poor, sad family. :( Once again: beautiful and sad. I'm excited to see what the next chapter brings.

Author's Response: I'm SO sorry for the long reply! But i do appreciate you stopping by and giving me your thoughts! I'm so glad that you challenged it because i was really wanting to write about Molly but the plot was definitely evading me for a while and the quote was just too perfect and fit my Molly.

I will definitely go back and relook at what you've suggested to clean it up a little. I tend to have the answer in my head but forget to write it out and assume everyone is on the same wave length as me. Clearly, this is not the case and thanks for the pointers! I don't want it to be confused with that actually, i was unsure myself if that part was clear that she went back and was focussing on Lucy again. It's like she's expecting Lucy to stop by her flat later on and say this was so funny that they were all mourning her. I'll clean that part up as well.

Not to sound morbid, but i am pleased that the overall effect gave you shivers. I really enjoy writing this but it's hard to get into Molly's POV as, to me, she's a bit unstable and emotional. It's hard for me to tap into that and i'm pleased that i've at least gotten this scene done right.

Thanks again for your review!!


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