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Review:Beeezie says:
Hey! I'm finally here with your 1/3 reviews for the Unquiet Mind challenge!

I'm sorry again about the horrendous delay… but I'm here now.

On the whole, I liked this chapter and I'm interested to read on. You made some very interesting choices in how you characterised Teddy; I've often found that he's either written as functional and well-adjusted or just not a very good person at all, and I thought that you did an excellent job of showing someone who's just plain struggling with life.

Where I thought that you struggled a bit was in some of the little things. Your dialogue typically wasn't formatted correctly, which for me, at least, does tend to detract from a story. There's a great article about dialogue over in the Grammar Guidelines section of the forum that I highly recommend checking out to brush up on some of the rules.

I also felt like sometimes the details could have used a little work. For example, you refer to arthritis as a "muggle disease" - I feel like you'd be better off just not identifying it at all (you could just say that she'd been having problems doing simple chores or was having pain in her wrists) or referring to it just as a disease, you know? "Muggle disease" just felt a little odd to me in the context of something as common as arthritis - kind of like calling migraines a "muggle disease." Does that make sense?

On the whole, though, I thought that you had an interesting interpretation of Teddy and his life, and I think that the troubles you portray him as having are completely realistic, especially for someone in his situation. The way he dreads Ginny's lecture and the way he tries to look pulled together in particular are spot on for someone struggling with life as much as he seems to be.

Nice job!

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm so sorry it took me so long to get back to your reviews, I've been crazy busy with school and just real life but I promised myself that I'd sit down this weekend and reply while I have the time.

I was honestly really worried about my version of Teddy, I'd never read Next Gen especially with Teddy in beforehand because I didn't want it to crowd my judgement so hearing you say that, or rather seeing, makes my day.

Since you reviewed this, I have actually found myself a beta for this story and have sent the first chapter off to them so I shall have that fixed up shortly.

Yes, that completely makes sense and now that I think about it I see where you are going with that. So thank you for pointing that out!

I'm so glad that you like my Teddy, it honestly makes me feel more confident about him.

Thank you!

x Ely


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