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Review:charlottetrips says:
Hi! Iím hear with your requested review. Iím going to do this a bit differently from my Running Review because Iím reading the story right now and itís affecting me so. Iíd like to start out with my little grammar/spelling notes and then move on from there:

Your parents [are sat down] - either [have sat down] or [are sitting down]
You donít want anyone to look too closely [as] your skin - at
fighting in a brutal, bloody [a ]war - delete extra word
how unbearable it was to [life] - [live] ?
closed the door [two] - [too]?
all you can do [it] yell at her - [is]?

And OMG, Iím going to have to stop. Sorry. One, I have a feeling that this was written down in one sitting and two, I donít want to make less of what is a very powerfully emotional story. Youíll find the spelling errors fine or have a beta do it for you or I can once Iíve let this story ride over me a bit more.

Only one other thing I did want to point out was the flashbacks or present time scenes with the italicizing and such. In the beginning portion, I could follow along pretty well. When it got to the scenes of the mother finding out and the scenes at school and beyond, I got confused as to whether or not the flashback was italicized or not.

You wanted to know how the emotions played out. I feel like someone has taken a heavy sandbag and lopped me with it. Your use of 2nd person POV was effective in getting me to connect with Lucy. She couldnít even really define the reason why except as a method of establishing control and showing that she was in control in a world she didnít feel like she had anything to do with. I can understand the emptiness she was feeling and while Iíve never taken the route she has, Iíve known people who have and I can sympathize with her family members.

You wrote out Lucyís anger towards herself and her family well as well as how I imagine family would react to finding such things out. Iím glad that she had her sister to turn to, though I imagine if Molly ever connected that innocent scene in the beginning to what played out later in Lucyís life, the guilt would just about kill her.

And then the ending. I am so happy that you ended it on such an upswing. This paragraph ♥:

Sheíd thought she wouldnít feel complete again until theyíd all faded, but now she felt like she wouldnít be complete if that one line didnít remain: it was part of her, not a part that she was proud of or a part she would ever revisit, but there was no use in denying that it never happened. Instead, she liked to look upon the past and think about the future.

It shows that one can survive even when they feel that life will have no meaning and all hope is lost and that one could take something away from that. Not that everyone should go through such an experience, but that if one does, there is hope.

What a powerful story, AC. Keep writing because your insight into human behavior is keen and you could uplift those you share your work with.

xChar

Author's Response: Hey there Char :)

You're write about this being written in, two sittings I think it was (and largely at about three in the morning when I was sick) so I'm not surprised about the spelling mistakes and such. I'll be sure to edit that and fix it up when the opportunity arrises and such :)

I've more or less decided to mix up the formatting of this at some point too. I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but I'm no longer happy with it - it feels too messy.

A heavy sandbag? I can live with that :P

I'm in a position similar to Lucy's where I can look back on things like this. So I guess this is why this one-shot means I lot to me - as I've never posted anything on the archives that's quite so personal for me.

Molly, ah, I love Molly so much in this. I don't think Lucy would ever let Molly know about the connection betweent the first scene simply because of that - she'd know what the guilt would do.

"It shows that one can survive even when they feel that life will have no meaning and all hope is lost and that one could take something away from that. Not that everyone should go through such an experience, but that if one does, there is hope."

^ This is exactly what I've always wanted to put across through my writing, seriously. I copied and pasted that bit to one of my friends on facebook becaus, yeah, you couldn't have offered me a higher compliment.

Thank you for such a lovely and helpful review :)


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