Hey! This is apocalypse, here with your review! First, I really need to apologise for being so horribly late with your review! I've been crazy busy these past few days so I'm sorry I took so long to come over to this chapter.
Firstly, I'd like to tell you how wonderful it was to come back to your story! It's so out of the way and definitely different than the others that I feel fresh whenever I read it. =) I think that your idea of the story is developing very nicely, and this time, I'm very glad to notice that you've finally started to reveal some crucial points of the history.
Ben! Ooh, new character. I think I really like him! His ambition is what grabbed my interest in the first place and then slowly, the way you described him in the forest and then made him go to the rebels to ask them to release Katrina, I started liking him a lot =)
Also! I'm so very very glad that you included some of his history in the start of the chapter; it gave us a very good insight into his life and the way he ended up where he was. Since he's a new addition, I think that his history had a very good impact on his entrance into the story. See, I told you how important background information was; it leaves an impact on the reader and makes sure that the reader remembers the character. I really hope that you'll do that with Carmen and Beau too, soon, as I'm really interested in their story =D
Okay, to answer your questions. Yes, your detail has gotten better a lot! Compared to your previous chapters, the level of detail was improved and I was glad to see how you paid so much attention to the detail of even the tiniest of things. The first scene was an indication for improvement in detail; then the way you described Ben running through the forest looking for the cave and finally the way Carmen's emotions were written; all of these added to the details of the chapter and made it sound complete. I remember writing in my previous review that your story was giving an incomplete look; now I can say that that feeling is gone. Despite the plot details that are missing, the writing now gives a complete look. =)
The description was impeccable. I think that you have done a very good job of describing the relationships of the rebels with each other and the feelings they have for their fellows. Your dialogue proved to be a very strong point for you in this chapter; it was able to convey so many emotions and feelings that simple description might not have been able to do. For instance, Carmen's anguish at finding out about Rosetta told so much about her character. I think that you've used Rosetta's selection very well. I completely understand why Carmen felt the way she did about Rosetta and I felt her sadness the way you wanted me to.
Also, I think that you've described the relationship between Carmen and Beau very well. It's so much more mature and developed than most friendships are and has an interesting factor that keeps you interested in them.
Okay, over to the talk about the plot twists. What is Katrina doing?! Honestly, when I read that it was Katrina, I was like 'What?! She's got to be crazy for just walking into a their hideout!' I think that it was the most intriguing twist in the story. Eh, now I'm excited for the rebels. They finally have an advantage over the vampires! =D And I can't believe they captured Ben; he was there to help them! Though I do understand their situation too, they can't really trust him either. I think I'm babbling now and should really stop. Oh, it's so good to be back reviewing! =D
Anyway, it was lovely to be back to this story! Sorry for the ridiculously long review, I was having too much writing it. Don't forget to re-request! Good Luck and Happy Writing! =D
Author's Response: Hi! No need to apologize! In fact, I really apologize about the lateness of this response! It's been crazy the past 24 hours for me!
That is such a nice thing to say! Thank you! I'm glad you think it's a refreshing story! :)
Oh good! *wipes brow* I'm really happy you think it's developing better now and I really took your suggestions from before to heart- that's why I've decided from now on to start off my chapters with a featured character's backstory, or at least an important snippet that is! Next chapter will be a little background to how Pollock rose to power from Katrina's point of view. (sort of like a fairytale bedtime story if you will :))
Yes! A new character! I'd like to develop him a lot more as he ends up being crucial to the story line! I'm glad you like him! He's basically desperate at this point because he has nowhere else to go but to the rebels camp and if they're attacked by the army, he'll literally have nobody who can help him anymore. That's why he did what he did, telling them to release Katrina.
Yes, his backstory actually made ME cry as I was re-reading it before submitting it. That's when you know you've got an attachment to your character! :P And yes, I definitely plan on doing that with Carmen and Beau as well! Carmen in particular has a very interesting backstory, so stay tuned for that one ;)
I'm glad you feel as if my detail has improved! I really strove for that in this chapter! And I know, there are crucial plot details missing, but those will appear gradually in future chapters and hopefully before too long you'll have a better sense of this dystopian universe! :)
That made me smile so big! I'm really happy to hear that about my description! It's something I've been trying to improve a lot over the course of my writing here on HPFF and to know I've succeeded in doing that for at least one story is not something I take lightly! :) I really did get into that scene with Carmen, sort of projecting the emotions I would feel if I were in her situation and it was one of my sisters that were taken. I just wanted to convey the pain I'd feel for Carmen, so I'm pleased to know that shone through!
Ahh, Carmen and Beau! Although they would never act on anything, there are little hints here and there! I can promise you there will be more on that! Also, I believe them to be sort of the best of friends. They've both lost so much and are struggling in this world they're trying to change. Plus, they're both very strong people who know how to lead so that draws them together as well!
Yep, she very much is crazy! I'll have her explanation for what she was thinking in Chapter 3, but yes, she was definitely NOT thinking straight! :P And I know it! I know, it was crazy they put him next to her, but that too is a crucial plot detail as well! :)
I like your rambling, don't worry! :D It makes me feel good about myself that someone really likes this story that they would babble! (That's when I usually babble anyway, hehe!)
It was a great surprise! I'm so happy you covered everything in so much depth and it was seriously helpful feedback so thank you!