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Review:ScorpiusRose17 says:
This was another good chapter. I like Alex she's a great original character. I think you portray her well throughout the chapter. I also thought your characterization of Dumbledore was screamed Dumbledore. =)

I have a few ideas that I am entertaining at the moment about where this story is headed, but I will hold onto those because I have been surprised before. I am almost 100% clear that I know which Tom your talking about.

The flow in this chapter was good. It did have a few lines where I stumbled on wrong word choices, confusing sentences and minor errors. I will show you what I am talking about...

Please remember that I am only giving you suggestions on what I am seeing.

"Better than that hell hole I'd called home for so long."

This sentence even out loud is a mouthfull with the I'd and called paired together. I think you could get away with using 'I called' instead.

"Splendid!" exclaims the strange fellow.

Exclaims or Exclaimed?

"I made straight As all through primary school!"

This one is simply missing the apostrophe... A's

"That last sentence made absolutely zero since to me."

Since or Sense?

"In fact, I couldn't even remember my name until I was 8; Andromeda."

I am a bit confused with this one and I am not sure if it's anything to do with the plot, but I thought her name was Alexandria.

Overall, I thought it was an interesting chapter. Seeing Dumbledore come into it and explaining magical abilities is only a job I think he can do. I also liked looking at Alex's perspective of the Orphanage The flow was good and your descriptiveness although, subtle was done well. I would recommend reading each sentence after you type it to make sure that your words and sentences are the way that you want them before you post. It is a trick that has helped me out quite a bit as well.

I would love to review more of his when it comes out.

Keep up the good work! =)


Author's Response: hanks! Dumbledore is surprisingly hard to write, at least for me. I wanted him to be funny, yet still deep and meaningful. I'm so glad I managed!

Hmm, I wonder if it's going to turn out like you think? I would love to hear your predictions if you ever want to share them!

Now on to the suggestions(:

1st- Good point. That does flow loads better!

2nd- Thanks for pointing that out! I have a hard time with present/past tense sometimes so a couple of things completely slip past me.

3rd- Can't believe I missed that. That will definitely be fixed!

4th- Typo :/

5th- Funny story, actually. That was supposed to say "In fact, I couldn't even remember my MIDDLE name until I was 8; Andromeda," but I left out middle, as you can see. Then several people left reviews saying stuff like "Wow I'm so excited to find out what's up with the Andromeda thing!". So I'm considering working it into the story later on.
^And that is why I'm getting a beta soon.^

That's a good idea! I will definitely be using that tip!

I know I've said it a lot throughout both reviews, but thank you! That was some much-needed feedback.


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