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Review:ScorpiusRose17 says:
This was a very intense chapter. I would be stunned to as a parent, but I don't think I would over react like that. Wow. I smiled when Alex punched her. =)

I thought you did a great job characterizing your characters. I really like how witty and tough Alex is. Her referring to Professor McGonagall as Creepy was funny too; I would be terrified of her. Professor McGonagall was portrayed well even though she was only in the chapter for a breif amount of time. I like how Alex's parents are terrified of her magic I thought that it was fun to see a family that rivaled that of the Dursleys.

The overall flow of your chapter was great. It moved, you could feel the energy and emotions throughout. However, I did see somethings that made me stumble while reading through and I would like to share them with you to get your thoughts on them... and I will share with you some possible suggestions or my thoughts on them.

"She gives me a look that clearly meant something along the lines of 'Well you're going to be a handful'"

I don't know if it's the word gives that makes this sentence sound funny. You could possibly use the word gave?

"So I called inside to my mom, "Mom, there's a creepy lady out here!"

You started off your chapter by using Mum and then reading in a couple of paragraphs you used Mom. Then you changed it back to Mum. So I wasn't sure.

"She turned to me turned to me, slapped me across the face, and said one word."

This sentence was confusing even after I read it out loud. I think you might have meant to say "She turned to me, slapped me across the face, and said one word." ?


"Act as though they never cared about me just because I was magical, whatever the hell that entitled!"

This one I was more curious about your choice of wording here. Entitled or Entailed?

I am not trying in any way to be critical of your story. I think it's great, but when I see things like this I only think that it's fair that I point them out to you when I do a review.

I really think that this story is unique and interesting. You opened it in a clever way that interests the minds of the readers to want to know more about what is going on.

I hope that I have been helpful. I look forward to reading your next chapter

Keep up the good work! =)

-SR17

Author's Response: Thank you(: Honestly, I probably wouldn't have overreacted that much either, but it was necessary to have Alex sent to the orphanage.

Thanks for pointing everything out!
The 1st one did sound weird to me too, but I wasn't sure how to fix it at the time. I'll definitely be changing it!

2nd- I'm actually considering getting a beta to help with that; I think it's called britpicking? I meant to say Mum, I just forgot to several times.

3rd- Whoops. I do that a lot for some reason, and it get on my nerves SO MUCH. Thanks for pointing that out!

4th- I actually did mean entitled at the time, but I just looked up detailed definitions of the words and entails really does make more sense.

I understand completely! A person can't get better in any field unless they have some sort of constructive criticism along the way. You were definitely very helpful and I think your tips will help make this a better story.

Thank you!




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