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Review:Erised says:
Hi! I'm Erised, or Jenny :)

Well first off congratulations for picking a lesser used ship! It's so nice to see the less popular couples getting their time to shine :) it's a cute little story and you picked a nice moment to work with. I liked your attention to detail, like your description of the airport and what happens there. You also had some very impactful sentences (does that make sense?!) like the last line - it was so lovely! There was a good ratio of description, dialogue etc and the story moved along nicely. :)

There were a couple of grammar issues but nothing major at all. One thing I would say is to read dialogue aloud so that any necessary pauses can be indicated when you write it, as some of the dialogue had no commas so came out as one big long sentence. I think this would help to make the beginning of the story more powerful and tense :)

It was a good read! Well done!

Author's Response: hi! I'm Jas.

Thank you! Ariellem was the one who really got me into this ship - she writes amazing Percy&Audrey stories! Thank you so much! It took me forever to write this story so I'm glad that it was worth my time :D

I'm going to try and get a beta for my story so all those grammatical mistakes will be gone :D

Thank you!
Jaz


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