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Review:charlottetrips says:
Char here with your requested review!

Ooh, I like how you’ve started out in the middle of an action scene! It’s so exciting and you’ve done it quite well with James being alert and all leadery like and Sirius laughing and making jokes. And being quite irreverent, mind you.

they knew they were free of the sanctuary [boarders]. - did you mean [borders]?

leaving their assailants’ howling at [] waning moon - missing [the]. Also did you mean to make them out like werewolves? Because that’s how it came across.

I was confused as to why you were calling them boys. James is talking to Harry in the summary which means he’s at least twenty and this is confirmed as I’m reading on. It should be “men” because otherwise I think I’m reading about them in Hogwarts days.

the stag’s [eye’s] followed her, - [eyes]

The beginning part with James and Sirius I really liked. I could connect with James and his feeling of not being with Lily and James but also his drive to carry out his mission and his concern for his friends. You even had a little bit of playfulness mixed in there.

This scene with Lily however was missing something. I couldn’t quite really feel what she was feeling. She spoke/thought about Sirius a lot which kind of had me be like “what?” and then there was the little mention of James then the stag Patronus but that was about it. I think you could expand on that section more. I know it’s a one-shot but you did well with characterizing James and Sirius and then missed on Lily a bit.

You do however have a way with capturing the scene and the movements of the characters so that I can almost imagine it in my mind’s eye.

Author's Response: OH NOES! TYPOS! *hides*

D: That's awkward. Sorry about that. D: I will fix those up ASAP.

I called them boys because I was trying to show that even though James had a son, they are both still so young and fighting something so much bigger than themselves. That they have their whole lives ahead of them, and that really, they are just out of school, only 20. But I see what you mean, and i'll go work on that. It's good feedback. ^_^

I'll work on Lily as well. I get what you mean about her character being out a bit, and I agree that needs fixing. Thanks for the pointers :)

Thanks so much for the review, it's really helpful ^_^


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