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Review:ScorpiusRose17 says:
This was truly an amazing story. I find this to be very believable and find that Neville is portrayed very well in character as much as his Gran is. I also like your descriptiveness; it really helps produce a clear visual to the reader about what it is that you're seeing in your mind.

I think that this chapter is the perfect length and you accomplished what it is that you started out to do; write a simply well put, thought out chapter on a younger version of the 11 year old boy.

I thought that the flow of your chapter was quite fluid yet, there were a couple of places I did needed to re-read. This is also going to include grammar. I am not really great at grammar, but I did give it my best shot.

"It's a big day for you," she nodded importantly, smiling lightly suddenly.

The part where you say: smiling lightly suddenly. This was a bit confusing to me when I read it. I even read it out loud, but still found that it sounded a bit off. I think it may have to do with the wording? I figured I would point that out.

"you know, there is something I want you to do today; something I made your father do precisely thirty-four years ago."
I also found that you forgot to capitalize the begining of your next sentence.

"Carefully, Neville set his bottle of ink and his quill next to him; the pieces of parchment laid on his bared, crossed legs."
I wasn't sure if you meant bared or bare.

"And she's right, I really am a disappointment to the Longbottom name and to the wizarding community as well."
The last thing that I found is that a semi-colon could go between right and I as you are explaining two alike things. Just a suggestion.

Overall, I thought that this was an amazing chapter with a lot of intrigue and appeal. I really love Neville because he is down on himself, and if he only knew what he would grow up to do he would be stunned. Not to mention that he was second runner up in being the 'Boy who Lived'.

I can't wait to see what the next chapter brings. Keep up the great work! =)

-SR17

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